A Rose with Starry Eyes

{January 31, 2010}   short life update

So I made up with Xang and she said yesterday she went out with a guy, who I’ll call Eyepatch because… well, he wears one in school. And not because he needs one. He just wants to. Apparently, on their date, he wore a gas mask. They tried to go to Abercrombie and Fitch and he got kicked out. They went up to him and just said, “you have to leave”.

What bothers me more about it is that she happened to meet Shiney there. And she never told me she liked him- she went to Rezzie first (understandable, since she’s connected and able to set them up) – but Rezzie’s bf told Shiney. And Shiney knew without me knowing. Plus, her and Shiney went out to volunteer yesterday without me. This is really starting to bother me. I need to make more of an effort to keep that fat bitch from friendship-cock-blocking me. 😡

{January 31, 2010}   quote of the day

“Vitamin water has calories too!”


The ultimate wannarexic’s motto. There’s a longer story behind this quote; click the link for more.

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{January 31, 2010}   ups and downs.

I’ve done callanetics several times and I think my body is tighter. I can tell from my abs and legs, where I could literally feel it for days afterwards, that the workout was working. I’m going to do it again today.


I’ve also decided to alter my diet plan, since it really wasn’t working before. It was too extreme. I’ve been reading a book called “5 Factor Fitness”, written by the same person who’s a trainer for Halle Berry and a lot of other Hollywood hotties. I learned that you need to have protein with every meal because otherwise your body doesn’t hold onto it the way it holds onto carbs and fat. (Not fair, right?!) I’m adding almonds to my diet since they’re high in calcium and protein. Since I’m a vegetarian, I’m hesitant to add turkey to my diet, but it’s so high in lean protein, I think I have to, or else I’ll run out of almonds too fast. He says to eat 5 small meals a day spaced out- so I’ve decided that I’m going to do the following plan:

  1. Breakfast: carnation drink packet with organic milk and a benefiber packet stirred in; optional banana. Also take 30 mg adderall XR
  2. Lunch: clif bar, water, benefiber packet. (I eat lunch early, so I don’t need a mid-morning snack.)
  3. Snack at 2pm-ish: 1 serving almonds, water. I always get hungry during this part of the day and binge at home, so no more of that! I’ll also take a 15 mg adderall to prevent a metabolism crash.
  4. Dinner at 5pm-ish: V8 juice, turkey (?… not really sure).
  5. Late night snack: fruit sorbet cup, 100 calories.

The book also contains a workout plan that I intend to follow, in addition to callanetics. I work out doing certain moves 5 days a week and it only takes 20 minutes! This is definitely someting I can stick to. I’ll need to use weights for a few exercises, but other than that it’ll be fine. I need to do more weight training anyways.


Personal life updates:

  1. The reading I payed for with that psychic is finally coming through. I’m supposed to call her on Friday. I’m really looking forward to it, since it should answer some big questions about my life.
  2. Got into a fight with Xang last night over IM, both about her friendship with Shiney and what she said about me the other day that triggered me. (See my previous quote of the day.) I think I’ll just apologize for the fight and invite her over afterschool on Monday to hang out and make up. I can deal with Shiney later- I’ll use hoodoo to make her fat and scare off her friends. For now, I’m focusing on bigger fish; my own success and bodily transformation, and the issue of X that I’m gettig the reading about.
  3. Thanks to aforementioned fight, I feel that I am now in unspoken competition with both Shiney and Xang. Xang is in recovery, so it doesn’t seem quite fair, but Shiney is still as annoying as ever, and I would LOVE to see her get engorged and fat as I get slimmer and slimmer.

{January 28, 2010}   quote of the day

“Rose is eating only granola bars so that she can get down to where I was before [reference to her ED] and we’ll have to have a lunch table intervention.”

~a friend

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{January 28, 2010}   great day today :D

SO much cool stuff happened today. First life updates, then body updates.

  1. Someone brought a puppy to Envrio Sci today. It was a “Bor-a-dor”, part border collie, part labrador. It was ADORABLE!!
  2. At lunch, Xang and I started bitching at eachother- kind of jokingly, but still a bit loaded. I’d said that “Holy shit, these cookies have 210 calories?!” (They belonged to Jamie.) Amy said that some people might find it triggering or insulting, and I said she was projecting, Jamie made a bulimia joke and I said it insulted Xang who was bulimic…. things got kind of hazardous. It ended with Xang saying that “Rose is only eating granola bars so that she can get down to where I was before [reference to her ED] and we’ll have to have a lunch table intervention.” That was a major trigger for me. I’m going to keep reminding myself of that phrase- it’s concrete evidence she views me as a wannarexic. This is practically a challenge.
  3. I took my 30 mg adderall, and it really worked. I didn’t get jittery and I felt SO focused. I finished all 4 of my Enviro Sci packets, my inernat’l relations packet,  and got partway through my Eviro Q&A. Plus I took a nap.
  4. In my Drama as Lit class, we read a play out loud. I led the lead female part and think I did a pretty good job- a guy from forensics asked if I had thought about forensics and told me I should consider joining. Amy was really happy for me, and Rachel said that it was a great sign and it didn’t happen to everyone. I think I’ll go to a meeting on Tuesday…. It might be awkward because I totally flaked out on them last year, but if I’m serious about acting, it has to be done. (Plus forensics goes til May; if I do the crossroads by spring, I’ll have a place to show off my new talents!)

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{January 24, 2010}   I lost count already.

I measured my waist today and sucking it in, I’m 32 and a half inches. Regular, I am 35 inches. I think I’ve gradually lost weight since I look like more of an hourglass. I’m curious about my weight but I know it’s a bad idea to check since it makes me OCD.

Current Measurements: chest: 37 and a half                   waist: 32 and a half /// 35-ish                 hips: 38 and a half

Pre-op: chest: 42 inches /// waist: 38 inches

Post-op: chest: 38 inches /// waist: 35 inches

I’ve been sticking to my diet more or less though with a bit of cereal added and the occasional walk- a few miles a day, sometimes with the dogs and Drew, sometimes on my own.

Once my mom wakes up, I’ll ask her to put the DVD player in my room and I’ll move some stuff around so there’s room to exercise.

{January 18, 2010}   day 1

OK, so I ate a bit more than I had planned. But seeing a I majorly binged yesterday, I consider it to be baby-steps, PLUS I forgot to take my adderall this morning. So if I take it tomorrow morning, I will stick to my routine for SURE.

Today’s food:

  1. Breakfast: 1 small pancake with whipped cream (150 cals)
  2. Lunch: clif bar (150 cals), small homemade muffin
  3. Dinner: a few cups homemade soup , several cups popcorn, bagel with peanut butter
  4. Dessert: about 7 twizzlers

…One of the things that has proven to be really difficult has been working out. i walked several miles today, but no callanetics. Once mom is less busy, I’ll ask her to hook up the DVD player in my room so that I can exercise in there.

{January 17, 2010}   my plan

OK, so I finally went to Sam’s Club. I got all the stuff I’ll need for 22 days; I’ll eat NOTHNG but what I have listed here. I’ve had my breast reduction surgery and a little time to binge, so enough laziness!

  1. Breakfast: Carnation drink (220 cals)
  2. Lunch: Clif Bar (250 cals), 2 Benefiber drink packets (30 cals)
  3. Dinner: can of V8 juice (70 cals)
  4. Dessert: fruit sorbet (120 cals)

It should add up to about 690 calories. …I’m also going to do a callanetics DVD every day, too.

I’ll take pictures and measurements every 3 days, as well as taking a full dose of adderall every morning. I WILL stick to this plan and this blog if it’s the last thing I do!

{January 16, 2010}   Hello world!

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