A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 7, 2010}   post from another blog that inspired me

Blog Excerpts from Anaregzig’s Blog “Dying to Be Thin” on the need to be a thin actress, & her fat failure of a rival

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

This morning, I’m still five lbs away from my goal weight for Wednesday’s promo appearance for my movie. Restricted all weekend, and got in some killer cardio, but here I am, still not thin enough. And only 57 hours left until the camera-bulbs start immortalizing my current figure.

I do have to be on-set today (playing a DEPRESSED grad student – how appropriate!), but I am committing right now to not “use my job as an excuse.” (God bless the Danish girl who wrote me such a nasty comment, that I am now regretting having rejected — your words have reverberated in my head all weekend and kept me strong!) I will avoid the craft services at all costs, yes, even if it pisses off the caterer. And hopefully I can fake enough of a stomachache in the morning to get me out of lunch. All I will need is a good place to “hide” where I can pretend to be “working thru lunch.”

But so far it looks like I’ll have both Tuesday and Wednesday off. In addition to fasting from all food, and limiting liquids to diluted grapefruit and cranberry juices (natural diuretics), Tuesday I’m going to super-dose on the laxatives while my roommates are at work, and Wednesday I’m going to do my first saltwater flush in a long time. It’s probably going to hurt like hell, but it will be SOOOO worth it when the dress fits loose on Wednesday night.

(I know you’re going to ask; everyone does.) What’s a saltwater flush?
This was the reaction to one of my first saltwater flushes.
This was a post of some of the other perks of a saltwater flush.
This is a post answering a comment about the saltwater flush.
And this is the LINK TO THE RECIPE, in case you’d like to try a SWFlush with me.

link: http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/2008/09/desperate-times-call-for-desperate.html


Friday, August 31, 2007

ANA IS BACK.

And not a moment too soon. After an overwhelming 10 straight days on set, and all the “normal” eating I had to do, with no opportunity to hit the gym, I have ballooned up to an enormous 140 lb. cow. I cannot explain how much I loathe myself. My fat, hideous, enormous self. It’s intense.

Without telling my agent, I’m leaving town on a much-needed vacation. I need to get away so that I can regroup and get my wits together. I tried to eat healthy whenever possible, but my poor metabolism is so shot to hell that any calories at all went straight to my hips and butt and stayed there.

Yesterday I began restricting again. Hard. The hunger is FIERCE. I can’t believe I ate for ten straight days. I hate wearing my clothes, they feel all tight and I can’t stand my fat self.

This morning I’m going to hit the gym for some intense cardio, then come home, pack and close up shop. I’m not telling anyone where I’m running away to, but rest assured there’ll be tons of opportunities for huge calorie-burning activities, and lots and lots of yummy air and water. No craft services tables, no interns bringing snacks and drinks every fucking time we take 5. Ugh.

I don’t know how anyone can call this career path “glamorous.” It’s fucking TORTURE. Every single fucking day the public pressures you to be thinner, and the production assistants try to serve you with food. WTF? Acting is not THAT fucking exhausting that I need a coke or food every time I step off set!

And bless the craft services lady’s heart. Her whole world revolves around which items you choose to eat or not. She’s like a grandma, watching your choices like a hawk. She’s crushed if you don’t help yourself to seconds of her homemade vanilla granola cookies like the grips do. She can’t understand why you only ate half the fish at lunch. She pouts because she thinks you didn’t like the way she prepared it. Ugh. Now THAT’S exhausting.

But then you’re back in front of the camera, and when you see the playback you notice the jiggle under your arms or the extra crease when you pull your chin back too far. :::SCREAM!!!!::: And you wish to God you hadn’t had that extra cracker with cheese which is now forever stuck on film, and which will soon be blown up on a forty foot tall screen where the whole world will be able to see your arm jiggle in excruciatingly gruesome High Definition.

Ana… come back to me. Forgive me Ana, for I have eaten. As I repent of my wicked ways, please take me back into your clutches and give me strength to starve back into a withered waif. Lead me not into temptation (the kitchen), but deliver me to the gym, and make me want to stay there until it’s all gone. Thank you Ana, for you have not left my mind. Now seize my fat and make it go away until I shrivel back into nothingness. For it is only the skinny girls who get the jobs, even if it is the jobs that make us not skinny.

link: http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html


Friday, October 17, 2008

Let’s just say I hate myself right now.Two days on the set, two days I expected to fast, and two days failed. My greatest weakness is wanting to please my directors, not raise any eyebrows, not draw any attention to my personal life. And that means when lunch is called, as much as I would love to come up with good excuses, I don’t make a fuss, and I eat.On Wednesday I had a slice of pizza and about a cup of chicken caesar salad. On Thursday I had a 6″ sub sandwich. Both days the director actually *checked on me* to make sure I had eaten. Who tipped him off? My agent? My manager? Another actor? WTF? Leave me the fuck alone!

And on the inside, I’m screaming, “Seriously? Ok, making me eat is one thing, but could you at least bring something HEALTHY? Jesus!” The array of sandwiches included one with ham, one with turkey, and one vegetarian, but they were all on white bread. Ugh. Beyond it’s unhealthiness, I don’t even like the taste of white bread anymore. But it’s either that or nothing, and if I eat nothing, the director will report back to my agent, who will call my doctor, who will try to sit me down for another talk, blah, blah, blah. So I had a vegetarian one, ugh.

To make matters worse, both days I was released from set at 9 pm, and I got home only 1/2 hour before the gym closed, so I didn’t even have a shot at working them off. And I’m back up 3 pounds. In just two days – how the hell does that happen?

So now I’m up to 13 pounds that I want to lose in the next 30 days. Thank God I’m starting with a 3-day weekend right now. Today would normally be my religious fast, but I’m not going to lie to God. This isn’t a fast to gain enlightenment, it’s a fast to lose weight. That’s the truth. Today, really all I have on my mind is losing these three pounds, and hopefully 2 more before the weekend is over.

So I’ve decided to do my first 3-day fast this weekend. Today I’ll limit myself to water only, and a helluva workout tonight. Saturday and Sunday I’ll allow myself whatever liquids I want, but no food at all. And as much movement as I can without being too noticeable.

I hate myself, I hate my fat self. 13 pounds in 30 days. God, I’ve got to get it off of me. I can’t let anything stop me.

Posted by Ana at 12:05 PM

link: http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/2008/10/lets-just-say-i-hate-myself-right-now.html

comments: hurts_so_good said…

“wanting to please my directors, not raise any eyebrows, not draw any attention to my personal life. And that means when lunch is called, as much as I would love to come up with good excuses, I don’t make a fuss, and I eat.”And let’s be honest, in your business you HAVE to pretend that your personal life is just hunky-dory and you have to please your directors, lest ye be labelled ‘difficult to work with’ which is career suicide for an actress. I’m sorry for your unfortunate situation. Stay strong beautiful, you can do this. You HAVE done this. You’ve already lost the 13 pounds, you just have to wait the 30 days out to prove it!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Just would like to show the world a picture of the FAT WHORE my ex is now dating.Now, I may have let myself go lately, and I consider myself to be overweight, but I can safely say I am nowhere NEAR the size of this whale! She’s got a flat face, crispy 80s hair, chipmunk cheeks, and thunderthighs that make that zip-zip sound when she walks. When she sits down wearing hiphuggers, she has to do that awful move (which she tries so desperately to hide) where she has to adjust the waistband of her pants from under her spare tire to over. Ugh!

Posted by Ana at 11:44 AM

link:http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/2007/09/just-would-like-to-show-world-picture.html

~

Friday, September 19, 2008

Good news and bad news.

The good news first: I was able to mingle enough yesterday at the “surprise” party that I only ate 2 celery sticks all night. No dip, nothing else. Ha! And this after having only had 1/2 cup of frozen grapes in the morning.

The bad news is: I guess I haven’t entirely recovered from the sickness I caught last weekend, because somewhere between all the talking over loud music with a thousand people and sitting around a backyard campfire, inhaling the smoke, I lost my voice again. FAST. And it hurt like hell too. So I kept trying to sooth it with warm apple cider. Which unfortunately came at about 60 cals per cup. And I had about 5 cups.

So overall, I still stayed under 438 calories, albeit mostly liquid. But today, all day, I’ve been laid up in bed again, steaming the hell out of my bedroom, just trying to keep from coughing and damaging my voice worse. Which means this will be just one more weekend I can’t go to the gym. (Expletive.)

But I guess the good news outweighs the bad, no pun intended. I finally broke through that plateau this morning and lost one pound. I’m still 2 lbs over where I’m supposed to be right now, but again, I’ll have to hope to be able to make them up next week.

Oh, and one more bit of good news. Part of my strategy to keep moving involved being the evening’s photographer. Remember the “fat whore my ex-boyfriend left me for”? (CLICK HERE to see last year’s post.) She came to my party, still fat as ever. (HE, by the way, let her come alone because he didn’t have the balls to face me!) Although she’s a singer/actress “by trade”, times have been tough for her lately, and she’s been working an office job for the past 8 months. (Can’t imagine why? Um, because no one WANTS a fat leading lady! Hello!)

And all night long, she kept grazing around the food table like a buzzard at an oasis. Every time I tried to snap a pic, she’d back up, lick those fat fingers or try to palm whatever was left of what she was eating, while hastily shoving her half-chewed remains into her chipmunk cheeks to smile a cheesy smile at the camera before the flash goes off. Disgusting.


And my grumbling, empty stomach can’t help but smile from behind the lens.

link: http://anaregzig.blogspot.com/2008/09/good-news-and-bad-news.html

AnaBlAnCh said…
No wonder noone’ll hire her, she fucking enormous… gross
see, that why i starve! thinspo like no other right there

Anonymous said…

1st of all, I agree with the previous comments: WTF was SHE doing there??2nd: What the hell was she wearing?? did she find those clothes in the trash outside before coming in?? lolGirl you rock, thanx for all the inspirational words. and fuck off that fattie! if your boyfriend would rather touch that, his fingers shouldn’t even get close to your body!



et cetera
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