A Rose with Starry Eyes

{February 8, 2010}   quote of the day

“It’s practically legalized speed!”

~Shiney, commenting on adderall

Gotta love the ever-present wannarexic! *rolls eyes* There is a longer story behind this quote; to check it out, click behind the cut.

Where to even begin…. Shiney & Rach both started taking adderall at about the same time. Rach really needed it; Shiney, I’m not so sure. When I mentioned to Shiney that I thought I might fit the criteria for Primarily Inattentive ADD, like Rach did, and mentioned that I wouldn’t mind the weight loss side effects, she said that she didn’t think I had it, I shouldn’t try to take it just for the weight loss effects (hypocrite!), and that it wasn’t a good idea. When eventually I did end up getting a prescription, she said to someone else that I had bragged about how easy it was to get and had only gotten it to lose weight. (I had meant it was easy compared to the rigorous months of testing she apparently underwent!) Even funnier was the fact that due to her supposed “people-watching”, she was apparently an expert on lying to her shrink. Whenever she was supposed to talk real issues, she made up bogus dreams to analyze and talked about her friends. I know because she told me. She more or less bragged about outwitting what she saw as the system. >.>

She even went as far to imply that the shrink who gave the meds to me was less legitimate than hers, since hers had run many more tests and made her wait longer. She, of course, ended up using the adderall-weight-loss side effects to fake her ED and try to get Mr. Codependent to fall in love with her. Which didn’t work.

In fact, directly after I had gotten my adderall, I lost 30 pounds in a month (during which she never saw or spoke to me due to summer camps) and when she finally found out about the weight loss, she implied it “didn’t count” because of the adderall– of course, the weight she lost with her adderall obviously constituted an eating disorder. Despite the fact that I’d been trying to change my body since I was 12. Because she’s special.

According to Xang, Shiney told the female gym teacher when they were taking resting pulses that hers might be a bit fast because she “was taking adderall, which is practically legalized speed”. (This is the same gym class where she cried when a woman came in to discuss the DSM-IV criteria for eating disorders, thinking that she was severely at-risk for one, like it was inevitable. In the meantime, Xang sat nearby, after having suffered from an actual ED for years. Yet another valid example of Shiney’s selfishness and Xang’s idiocy in welcoming her back into the fold.)

Everytime anyone brought up Pharmaceutical companies, medication, or anything in that vein, she was always sure to talk about how in her opinion, “People who truly have ADD or ADHD are rare” and that “it’s ridiculous how easy adderall is to get when you consider it’s basically legalized speed“. (I’m paraphrasing, but it was something close to that.)

I can also remember her telling Xang that she had begun “hiding her medication” instead of taking it and that she “didn’t know why….”, which is especially funny when you consider she only started doing this once her old tricks grew stale and (Claiming to “not know why” she did things was always a favorite line of hers. Possibly because it means the listener is challenged to analyze her life, find flaws, & discuss in detail without ever finding an answer to nonexistent problem? It still is a favorite line, based off a text I found on Rach’s phone a few months ago. “Feeling depressed and I don’t know why….” )

One more example I want to bring up is when once in the hallways, Rach and I were standing and talking and Shiney came up to us with a blank, cow-eyed expression on her face, literally gyrating in two separate directions at once, vapid grin on her face and voice squeaked to maximum capacity. (The gyrating was the worst; she was literally jiggling, her torso moving one way and her lower half moving another, while also bouncing. It was both disgusting and vaguely hypnotic.) She started talking about how she hadn’t taken her medication- she didn’t know why, she just hadn’t taken it- and I could tell it was just too exaggerated to be true. When off her meds, she is likely to have a short attention span and be listless or distracted; she had never acted that way before!

And then we, of course, have the incident the other night at Xang’s party, when she started bragging yet again about how she hadn’t taken her night meds yet and how she “was practically on legalized speed”. (I know her shrink took her off adderall in the past to put her on Prozac, something Xang resented by Prozac is commonly used by bulimics as treatment and her parents still weren’t getting her help for her ED. I guess she’s back on adderall and taking Prozac or something at night.) At this point, I was getting sick of it. But at least it’s afforded me the trigger that we both have access to the same substances, we have the same advantage, and if she could do it, so can I. *sings* Anything she can do, I can do better! *voice cracks; blushes* Last summer (or the summer before?), I lost roughly 30 pounds on adderall in about a month (I gained it back when I repeatedly binged and stopped taking it due to feeling disconnected). That was back when I was part of a really cool, small, supportive web-forum for those with EDs, which has gotten shut down and never came back online, but I still have that same potential, thanks to adderall. I think my lowest weight was about 140ish; I’m at 155ish now, we’ll say, and with no extra breast-age to cramp my workout style & a pretty decent metabolism, I can reach 120 in a jiffy.

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