A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 9, 2010}   Shiney’s “break up note” to me

Shiney’s idiotic “psycho” note, originally scrawled on Hello Kitty Stationary:

(under the cut)


She could be dying and we wouldn’t notice?!? Are you fucking kidding me? Is it all about her all of a sudden? Or not all of a sudden. What about me and Xang. How about the fact that some of us are actually having issues here or feel left out, rather than screaming about how you’re going to be “impulsive” while the rest of us are dying. What about practically pushing me off the table because you have someone’s semi-undivided attention. Maybe some of us need attention? Maybe some of us are terrified by the food you’re mutilating. Maybe some of us are disturbed by you, and hurt by you, the fact that we depended on you, and the fact that we can’t anymore. Maybe instead of wishing that we could have our friends “back” we wish we had had friends. maybe, just maybe, realize that it isn’t their fault, but know that you did something to change the facts. Maybe some of us want our friends back. I speak only for myself, but I’m not the only one afraid of you. You are out of control and you don’t realize it, but relish the insanity you do recognize. I am afraid, but not in a fun, happy, joking way. I am genuinely terrified by you. Not what you can do to me or others, but what you are. I tried to say something nice at lunch, but you ignored me, and now it doesn’t matter. It only enforces what is.

Ugh, where to begin…. I’m not sure if I should offer a rebuttle or just talk about certain visualizations I have whilst reading this! >:)  …We’ll start with rebuttle.

“What about me and Xang?”

….Ok, first off, it’s Xang and I. “Me” does not come first, grammatically speaking. Also, I was a bigger help to her than you ever were! Who was it who texted her a pic of you cutting yourself in the shape of a heart th night she was trying to throw a party? Oh yeah, you. And who implied to her that her ED wasn’t real because she didn’t show the “willpower” that you did? Oh yeah, you. I’m gonna stop there because I feel like i made my point.

“… while the rest of us are dying?”

First off, hun, you didn’t have cancer. And maybe you were dying for attention, especially the attention of Mr. Codependent, but that doesn’t mean you were literally dying. Your ED? It was brought on by adderall. You know this. Your SI? It stopped after you got a BF. If you have Munchausen’s, like I think you do, then even the symptoms that are possibly unhealthy – not fatal, but unhealthy – were still self-inflicted and brought on by your need to play the victim. And, if you were so obviously dying? Why aren’t you gone by now?!?!

“Maybe some of us need attention?”

…Ok. You have a point here. But ironically, your point only serves to prove my point: that all this was for attention in the first place! And you got your attention. And even more of it. And you’re still getting attention! Lucky for me, that’s your weakspot: no spotlight constantly fixed on you is your kryptonite. And I’m going to figure out just how to make that happen!

“Maybe some of us are terrified of the food your mutilating.”

Tcch. Like you didn’t go home and binge the first opportunity you had after the adderall wore off, sweetheart! And chopping up a dry, tasteless peice of cake from the cafeteria that’s so stale it might as well be a brick meant for a building is hardly terrifying. What’s truly terrifying is the amounts of food you can consume when you put your mind to it!



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