A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 10, 2010}   attention whore evidence!

Beneath this cut are the demented ramblings of a very Shiney wannarexic. They’re funny, frustrating, but above all? …Triggering.

(as you read these, remember: you can get what she wanted most by being who she wasn’t able to be.)

(the best revenge is living well.)

Statuses:

Shiney is crying, inside and outside…

Shiney I told another lie today, and I got through this day, no one saw through my games…

Shiney did it again and doesn’t know why; it doesn’t even help anything…

Shiney misses her, but doesn’t know if she ever existed.

Shiney sometimes I don’t feel like living. It hurts so badly inside…

Shiney is in a better mood, but needs her to understand what she has done.

Shiney doesn’t want to be awake.

comments: Xang: I don’t care if you’re awake, just be alive….

Shiney: I am alive, don’t worry. What’s up?

Shiney is sorry about what she said and did, but you still need to understand that you hurt me

Shiney doesn’t know what to say to that.

Shiney is not sure what happened to her consiousness…

Shiney I cry when I think about it and i think about it all of the time.

Shiney doesn’t want to lose what she can never have.

Shiney is fine, really.

Shiney is overly cheerful. This makes me mad.

Shiney did it again, only this time it worked… I’m screwed if it really does calm me down…

comments: Xang: yeah, I bet it’ll work even better if they lock you up for it. Shiney!

Shiney: sorry… I know how bad of an idea it is… I just don’t know anymore…

Shiney doesn’t know…

comments: Rach: What do you not know?

Rose: What is this about, exactly?

Shiney: I don’t know…

Shiney is worried for her friends and herself.

Shiney is not okay, but doesn’t know why. I’m violent, though, so don’t piss me off…

Shiney is failure, not okay, and needs your help…

comments: Rach: You are NOT a failure!

Shiney: I am… remember what I told you about the self-destructive people at that school? That’s not my issue right now, but rather the consquences of my nothingness are… It’s worse than you can possibly imagine…

Rach: WHAT DID YOU DO

Shiney: Don’t ask….

Shiney is still the little mermaid, but doesn’t want to be, and also doesn’t want to be at school at 6:15 tomorrow…

Shiney is actually the little mermaid.

Shiney is up way earlier than anyone ever should be on a Saturday, but is still the little mermaid.

Shiney is a sad little mermaid who should have qualified today but was having an off day!!!

Shiney is a VERY well-rested little mermaid who got 15 hours of sleep last night.

Shineyis in a surprisingly good mood, despite being the little mermaid…

Shiney attacked the little mermaid six times today and wants help…

Shiney doesn’t like what being the little mermaid makes her do to herself.

comments: Mr. Co-Dependent;s GF: Shiney… This sentence scares me… what’s going on?

Shiney is in a better mood and just hasn’t gotten around to thinking about little mermaid-ness yet.

Shiney is a slightly tipsy little mermaid.

Shiney is suddenly not so great anymore; being the little mermaid in everything I do sucks sometimes…

Shiney is just the little mermaid, and will always be just the little mermaid.

Shiney wants the best for her [xang’s pet-name] because she deserves it.

Shiney is sorry for dumping that on you, sorry for existing, and not able to leave…

comments: Mr. Co-Dependnet’s GF: He forgives you, just to say…

im not sorry that u exist, so you shouldnt be either. Im glad youre here

Shiney is panicked, freaked out, and completely “loveless”…

Shiney can finally take the mermaid out of her statuses… Too bad she can’t take the mermaid out of herself.

Shiney doesn’t matter.

comments: Mr. Co-Dependnet’s GF: :Yes you do, stop it…

Shiney: I will never be anything to anyone, tho…

Mr. Co-Dependent’s GF:says who? thats such a lie

Shiney could disappear and I still wouldn’t matter…

comments: Xang: I wasn’t trying to piss you off…

Shiney: You didnt, and I’m not pissed, just completely depressed with no right to be so…

Mr. Co-Dependent’s GF:stop it 😦  if you disappeared i would become greatly depressed, and you would STILL matter to me

outside comment posted to her wall: Shiney you ok? you seemed slightly depressed when i left you to go to the bus. don’t do anything you’ll regret ok?

Shiney loves her Xang and wishes that she could make everything perfect for her, but she can’t…

Shiney is slightly blank at the moment.

Shiney is in the worst denial ever, about so many things. Help?

comments: random: what’s wrong?

Shiney: I’m apathetic about everything and it’s ruining my life and I don’t even care.

random: you need meds. Or caffiene.

Shiney: I HAVE both, and it’s not helping. Andy gave me the same advice, though, then told me to share meds.

random: Trash magazines and chocolate by the fireplace? How can I help you? You can call me anytime. I love you, Shiney, no matter what.

Shiney my insides have been replaced by nothing but blank, a blankness that must depart so my life can begin again, a blankness I must, but cannot shake

comments: random: This makes me sad. I want you to be happy. How can I help?

Shiney: I’m happy, just pretty out of it in a bad way.

Shiney wonders at the irony of your life. I’m not sure how much of that shit a person can be expected to take before they lose it

random commenting on her wall:

I LOVE YOU AND DON”T FIND YOU WANAREXIC AT ALL

AND YOUR STUPID OLD CRAZY FRIENDS CAN FEEL FREE TO SEND ME A MESSAGE IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME :]

♥ nicole



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
%d bloggers like this: