A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 10, 2010}   Random Visualizations

Shiney-Related Miscellany

  1. Shiney is obese with bad skin, living at home and working at Rocky Rococo’s. You go in with your current BF while she’s working, you guys order food, you just have a water/diet coke and maybe pick at a tiny sized gelatto. She has to stand there and fold pizza boxes in all of her rotund glory as you snuggle and joke and play with your BF’s hair. Maybe even go up to the counter when he goes to the bathroom and talk to her, ask her what she’s doing and tell her some stuff about your fabulous new life…
  2. You’re an actress, on magazines and in movies, working with the people she’s always looked up to and wearing the couture she could never even hope to fit in! You mention in an interview how a girl once told you – your ex best friend – that the only movie you would ever get cast in is a porn movie. How girls can be so mean sometimes. How it’s important to follow your dreams and not listen to anyone else. She’s only remembered as a nameless bitch in an anecdote, one which annoyes her forever but she can’t defend herself against, or even bring up, whereas it was just an offhand comment for you. THAT kind of power.
  3. One day, she comes to school with her head completely shaved. She explains she wanted to look “just like Sinead O;’Connor” ; instead, she looks like a British man! It does no good to her awkward face and nose, and although she could wear a wig, her parents refuse to buy one for her. It’ll take more than a year for it to grow back to even a decent length! Everyone think she’s strange and it’s not flattering at all; now you not only have longer, more beautiful hair than hers, but she also finally lived up to that promise she’d made to “be an original”! (NOTE: Black skull candle might work for this outcome.)
  4. While she used to be such a petite, self-centered Suburban Princess, the Yuppie Wannarexic, she suddenly feels the irrepressable urge to eat; as though something were driving her on, like only the food could fill the void in her life. She eats and eats, asking for seconds at dinner and raiding the fridge at night. At lunch, she craves nacho cheese, and ends up using that debit card that she originally purchased for skimpy clothes on things like Big Macs, Dairy Queen, donuts; binge food. She blows up like a balloon, constantly thinking of food, and after a while the old, “wannarexic” her has dissolved beneath a jiggling surface of blubber. Even funnier is when she tries to “dress for her shape”, still deluding herself into thinking that she has the ability to “lure” guys with her “glitterboobs”; even now, more than 50 pounds overweight, she insists that the bikini is “slimming”. Soon, her facebook photo updates look more and more like reverse thinspo and less like an actual person. The person pictured now looks like an evil, ugly, blobby twin of the wannarexic in her “lowest weight ever” pic. Deep down, she knows that Size Zero Rose on the Silverscreen has won out over Armored-Tank Shiney. For all the battles you’ve lost, you still win the war. (Skull candle here is good, too.)
  5. I’m picturing Shiney sitting down-table from me and eating a pile of nacho cheese with soft pretzels, a bag of chips and 2 cookies, a tray lunch; and to top it all off, irony of ironies, a vitamin water. 😛 I’m sitting on the other end of the lunch table eating ready-made Sushi/California Rolls from Sendicks using chopsticks, and drinking a diet Tazo tea in a glass bottle, my only meal of the day . (A bit like Molly Ringwald in Breakfast Club.) Xang, Rach, the Twins, FroshGoth, and a few others are sitting around me too, all eating as well. I’m easily the thinnest though, wearing size 2 clothes from Victor/Victoria’s, long hair impeccably groomed, a new nose and a modellesque face.
  6. Think of how great it will be when she still tries faux- lesbianism around a Rezzie who’s replused by her. Think of how funny it’ll be when her emo statuses are met with crickets chirping in the background; no one there to respond and tell her how much they love her, how she should be careful and not hurt herself, not do anything stupid. No one’s worried about a girl weighing a mass that’s equal to Australia! Plus, once everyone else goes off to college, it’ll be almost impossible for her to make new friends when her outside appearance matches her inside soul!

Personal Visualizations

  1. Going to the mall, shopping around with Step-Daddy’s credit card, the limitless platinum rating. You’ve been on adderall for the past two days, and you’re totally cranked. You’re wearing heels and skinny jeans plus a slinky top from Victor/Victoria’s, hair perfectly styled, bone structure & makeup flawless (thanks to Dinair).  You try on size twos and size zeros everywhere, at Wet Seal, at Victoria’s Secret, at Victor/Victoria’s, even the sexy lingerie at Hot Topic. You wait patiently on Xang as she tries on some plus-size stuff at Torrid. When you’re done, you go to the food court and watch Xang eat Rocky Rococo’s Pizza with a soda and offer to buy her a cinnabun for dessert. She takes the cinnabun, and you slowly savor the tiny frosting cup you bought with it. Then you guys head off to Barnes & Nobles, where you buy a copy of a diet book and maybe a journal and some gel pens, while she browses for stuff. You guys grab two comfy couches and hang out drinking coffees and talking, comparing classes and telling funny stories. You only drink about half of your small coffee, & since it’s the only thing you’ve eaten all day, you’re in a bit of a sugary rush.
  2. Xang throws another party, and this time you’re the one beckoned to sit on people’s laps, especially Rezzie and Schiz. You watch as everyone else eats and you sit, contented with your diet coke and size 2 jeans, not wanting your tummy to bloat out. As you sit there, watching everyone else graze on gummy candies & greasy pizza squares, you feel free and fizzy, your stomach not weighed down with gluten, preservatives, gooey clogging “cheeses”, grotesque colorings all mashed together. (Just think of how those would look in your tummy!)
  3. In all your facebook photos, you look slim and gorgeous. Your cheekbones are becoming more and more defined, and they’re easily visible in pics. Not only is your tummy almost nonexistent, but it doesn’t cut into your jeans anymore! Your hipbones slant downwards and the outlines are visible. When you try on your clothes, they’re far too loose, and it gets to the point that you have to shop for new ones in smaller sizes. Everytime you take your measurements, occasionally step on the scale at Xang’s, you’re elated. Your body is doing just what it should, and soon it will be camera-ready. 🙂
  4. You don’t have to let food control you; you can control your food. Thanks to adderall, or as fat fishy-girl Shiney calls it “legalized speed”, you can be chic and constantly on the go, a size zero without having to give up a single thing. For instance, an apple for breakfast and a gourmet dish in the city in Milwaukee as you spend all day shopping, going to the art museum, visiting theatre. By the timeyou go home, it’s almost midnight, and you’ve only had less than 1000 calories. Or, tea from Aletrra – Iron Goddess of Mercy, irnonically enough – and sushi from Sendicks with a Tazo tea at lunch, carefully savoring each bite. For dinner, you sip a glass of cleansing cranberry juice with a benefiber packet as you listen to NPR and blog online in your perfectly-fit silk nightie. Still a size zero after probably under 700 calories that day. On a day that you’re busy, have a fruit salad for breakfast (with delectable pineapple hunks, cantaloupe wedges, juicy blueberries, and raspebrries) with a tin of tuna and lemon-pepper seasoning at lunch. For dinner, you have an 80-calorie English muffin with organic cheese and some tomato slices while pouring over a term paper; as a reward, tangy lemon sorbet for dessert on good china. In the morning, skip breakfast and go to Rocky Rococo’s for lunch with your BF, during Shiney’s shift. She stands there folding pizza boxes behind the counter as you and your BF laugh and chat in a booth seat. You order a slice of pizza and a diet coke, sponging the grease off the surface and cutting it up into miniscule bites, eating only about a third of it at most. OR, you order a tiny size gelatto, savoring it in your halter top and skinny jeans while she, a 200 pound mammoth in nasty khakis and a shirt to tight you can count her rolls watches you enviously. A spinach and strawberry salad with sweet-sour homemade vinegarette and an intense workout for dinner, and you’ll still fit into your size 2 jeans tomorrow!

Big Isn’t Beautiful; ACTUAL Thinspo

Big Isn’t Beautiful: Reverse thinspo

Fat Girl on Trampoline

Fat Lady “Exercising”

Fat Women Dance Studio Workout



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