A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 11, 2010}   today…. learning from my mistakes.

So, today I went on the stationary bike during lunch and burned about 210 calories. We went snow-shoeing outdoors in gym class, so that probably made a dent. I also walked to the local college and ran up and down the stairs ten times total (4 floors, up and down counts as one time). I never did figure out where the gym was… I spent a few hours in the library cutting out words, pics, etc. from Harper’s Bazaar. Pretty soon I’m going to need to figure out what type of collages I’m going to make- a scrap book, a bunch of posters, etc. I should make some notecards too, so that I can laminate them and tape them in my notebooks, and eventually when I get my own place, on the mirror, doors, fridge – especially the fridge!

Unfortunately, despite my decent workout ethic today, I also had a weak moment. I got home, stressed and ravenous (we’re out of Clif bars, the only thing I am willing to eat for lunch, and I refuse to stress mom out further by expecting her to drive in bad weather to get them), and ate a large bowl of raisin bran with strawberry yogurt. And that might not have been so bad… had I stopped there. I also had two or three large slices of Mom’s homemade banana bread. I could literally feel my stomach expanding, and I flashed back to all those times I had binged after school, gotten depressed, ruined my diet, and continued the cycle. Even though it was cold outside, I walked to the local college and did my thing. in retrospect, a good choice, although it did eat up a couple hours of my day. (Better than my eating for a couple hours of the day! XD)

Rather than hating myself over a weak moment, I’ve decided to embrace this as a learning experience, since self-hatred leads to failure. This is an empowering experience; it is a step on the road to becoming an actress! It is not an obstacle, but a piece of a puzzle!


What I have learned from my mistakes today:

  • right after Internat’l Rel, drop off backpack and stuff in the Drama as Lit room, then head right to the gym. DO NOT stop for small talk or say hi to people!
  • as soon as you get on the bike, increase the intensity. the reason I didn’t burn the projected amount of calories today is because I started out too slow and didn’t build fast enough. Start out at 6.5 intensity.
  • when the afterschool cravings are about to hit, take a 10 mg adderall; enough to suppress your hunger but not enough to keep you awake at night!

What I ate today:

  • Carnation drink, organic milk: 230 cals
  • 1 oz almonds: 160 cals
  • 2 and a half slices banana bread: 400 calories?

Exercise I did today:

  • Snow-shoeing for 30 min. estimate
  • stationary bike for 40 min; went 5 miles/21 laps, burned 210 cals
  • ran up & down 4 flights of stairs 10x

That’s actually not too bad, knock on wood! 🙂

 



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