A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 11, 2010}   today’s updates

So, today I returned some library books and checked out Wasted and Chainless Soul. I’m not returning them until I have typed out here and saved on my email all the triggering excerpts.

I got to see Xang and Rach at the end of their 1st hour class. Xang talked to me about an anti-feminist article she read, how she fell on the way to school, etc. The Shiney came in and gave her a huge hug, which frankly pissed me off.

Shiney’s eyes looked like they were smudged with makeup, like either she was tired or crying. I’ve more or less issued a challenge to her; by posting a facebook status last night about “Rose did 40 flights of stairs total – take THAT, banana bread!”, I made it known I’m back on the EDNOS train. This morning when I showed Xang my Wasted book, Shiney saw, and commented to Xang that “that was the book she was reading when she passed out on the bus and no one noticed”. She said it with a smile in that stupid, abrasive voice. I’m determined to do better today, if only to make Shiney jealous as hell. I can succeed by doing what Shiney never could: reaching the actual goal mark, visibly, and making people worried about me because it shows, not because I have to fake symptoms.

Mom promised to move the table out of my room so I can do my callanetics. It’ll be a gradual process getting into my full goal workout regime, but it’ll be worth it once I see results.

After skimming Wasted, I’m considering changing my diet. Tuna apparently makes a great meal, full of protein and quite filling for under 100 calories! You can mask the fishy taste through using Lemon Pepper condiments. You only binge if you get malnourished; without malnourishment, you can lose weight faster without bingeing. It’s important to adjust your diet to fit all the nutrients, and to include major protein to build muscles! ( I still need to get around to taking Tonalin CLA…)

I think I’ll start putting together a plastic baggie of pills, vitamins, etc. the night before I go to school so I can grab and go!

 I’m not going to be able to make it to the Oliver audition today. I have class, my legs are stiff, I can’t even get my stupid criminal Justice essay done because I can’t find the directions. I’m such a goddamn failure.




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