A Rose with Starry Eyes











{February 20, 2010}   first forensics meet: good news, bad news

Good news first:

  1. I made a new friend! *knocks wood* Her name is…. damn. Now I need another codename. I’ll call her Lexie. SO, she was doing prose too. She didn’t make the finals, and her knees were literally knocking together when she gave her speech, but it was only her second week and she wrote it herself! It was really good – about how normalcy is relative and no one truly fits that description. We talked in between rounds and it turns out that we have a LOT in common. (We talked Haiti, the DSM-IV criteria has been changed, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Gay-Straight Alliance, etc.) She came up to me at the last moment after awards and gave me her number, saying “if you ever want to talk”. I’ll call her tomorrow… I can ask her about forensics, how she did, if she watches Dr Who or has an email/facebook, where she lives and goes to school, if she wants to see a movie with me… Or maybe go to Half Price Books instead? Huh… It’s especially weird since I was thinking lately how I need a new best friend, or at least an additional one, since Xang is busy with Gas Mask and can be kind of cranky sometimes. And Lexie seemed so intelligent! (Too bad I’m awkward at phone conversations!)
  2. I’ve also been more social with people from my school’s forensics. I met an adorable, puppy-dog-looking guy Max who also is in prose and kind of failed as badly as I did. I chatted casually with Katie and tried to be social, talked to my bro’s friend Andy. There was one really cute guy, tall, probably a sophmore; I’ll call him C. We sat next to eachother at a full table and he helped open a packet of Swedish fish for me. (I would ask him to a dance or something but he might have a GF, and how embarrassing would it be to get turned down by a damn SOPHMORE. No… I actually think he might be a freshman! )
  3. Mom got me a used suit from Goodwill that’s rather flattering on my figure. It’s black and draping with nice movement.
  4. One of the girls (who placed third) did a story by JJ Jonas called “Home-coming Queen” that was thinspirational at first but sad in the end. REALLY great writing, though, like a pep-talk speech should be! (It was all about how a girl wanted to outdo her highschool rival, only to find out the rival was sweet and a recent stroke victim. Ignore that part, though, and it was GREAT thinspo!)
  5. WARNING: TMI AHEAD. Three BMs in three days! I don’t know what I’m doing other than drinking more water, but it’s working!

Bad news:

  1. I didn’t win anything. I didn’t even get into the finals. I heard a LOT of great prose but they were mostly humorous with one serious that won first place & a serio-comic that won third. I ended up doing the Kate Chopin peice from the late 1800s, which I hough I did okay at but only scored a 4 consistently with all judges, with 5 being the worst.  I am SO changing my monologue! Maybe something from Wasted? No… something from… A girl did Princess Diaries and didn’t place but got in the finals. I thought it ws frivolous, but she DID make finals. I need to brainstorm more….
  2. I TOTALLY binged. I hadn’t taken my adderall, and I ate a 200 cal packet of Swedish fish, a giant chocolate muffin, a bagel with TONS of cream cheese, a bag of movie popcorn, a clif bar, and a peanut butter cookie. UGGH. STUPID CARBS. I ate too much yesterday, too. My tummy is ballooning…

Unclassified news:

  1. Shiney hasn’t joined forensics and isn’t going to. I wonder if she lied about joining to try to scare me off or to try to imply she was my match? Maybe she’s just a plain ole compulsive liar! It doesn’t matter anyways. Fresh experiences with fresh people, and fewer worries as well!
  2. The girl who DID win prose was WAY skinny. She was like a real-life thinspo… she had the tiniest little legs, long and in heels, and you could tell under her grey suit (blazer & skirt) that she was quite slim. It flattered her SO MUCH. ANYTHING flatters you if you’re thin, including other people! 😉 The fact she placed first in the conference AND looked so much thinner than me is depressing… plus she’s younger. AND she even looks great in a very short haircut; not even bobbed, but trimmed so short it’s almost Mia Farrow. >.> I could NEVER pull that off with my baby-fat face… (Still waiting to get my flex-effect facial exercises kit!)
  3. I have somehow discovered the beauty in bones. I went through a LOT of thinspo last night, as I’m sure my previous posts will illustrate, and certain places triggered me. I still don’t want bones in certain places – clavicles will ALWAYS look gross to me, nobby knees are sickening (in a bad way!), and don’t get me STARTED on how gross it is when you can see the veins in a woman’s hands. Or ANYONE’S hands. it ages you so much. BUT, i do want to see my collar bones. I want to be petite and skinny with a few bones highlighted, not enough to look sickly. I don’t want to take things too far and I don’t want to be in pain because of my bones, but let’s face it, I’m at least 150. This poundage is just not necessary. I love collarbones, hipbones (just a little bit slanting down, not like jutting and scary), and wristbones. I really want killer cheekbones, curved and jutting outwards, visible in photos from any angle. (Plus the more weight you lose on your face to accentuate cheekbones, the bigger your eyes will seem!) I’m borderline about ribs. I really don’t think I like them just yet. I don’t think I ever will! They remind me too much of playing the xylophone. XD

Personal thinspo:

  • Sophia Loren/ Guess model from 2008 campaign shot by Bryan Adams: prominent cheekbones, straight nose (not Sophia’s), strong jaw but not manly. statuesque and curved but NOT big-boned. hair is lush and thick, looks fine worn short because nose has been changed. very thick lashes framing eyes, and pulpy lips. (link to campaign here: http://fashionflirt24.blogspot.com/2008/05/bryan-adams-for-guess-campaign.html)


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