A Rose with Starry Eyes











{April 23, 2010}   my life, mundane updates

My list of goals for 2010:

  1. Get a BF (Dev)
  2. Be skinny (voodoo)
  3. Settle plastic surgery (get loan/$, set date, etc.)
  4. Apply early to UCLA (get in via voodoo)
  5. BONUS: get mom a divorce, remarry rich

…Now for some stuff about Shiney.

One of my biggest triggers has always been that I want to beat her; I want to succeed everywhere she failed. Below I will list those areas and how I am going to succeed, unlike her.

  • BF: She got dumped by hers. If I start dating a hot college guy while she remains single, then I have officially triumphed! 
  • weight: This one is easy. I know she’s still crash-dieting and probably abusing adderall while chomping down goldfish, so seeing me as a 5′ 10″ 114-pounds Elyse Sewell-lookalike while probably bother her more than she’ll admit. >:)
  • fashion: She takes so much pride in her stupid “original” fashions that when mine turn out to be sexier and cooler-looking, she’ll be so jealous. (being twiggy will help me rock any style, too.)
  • career: obviously, if I succeed as a films actress, this will mean I win for life.
  • school: I’ll get into UCLA & I know she’s not a great student so she’ll probably stay in-state.
  • friends: This one will be tricky. _____

Another random note is that she is still using the journal I shoplifted for her as a present on her sixteenth 2 years ago. Interesting. I wonder if she remembers that when she uses it…?



{April 23, 2010}   AMAZING news!!!

OK, First I’ll start off with the amazing move and then move on to the mediocrity that is my usual life. 🙂

From 2 days ago (Wednesday):

I saw Dev the other day at the anime club that Zen invited me to. It was right after work and I was feeling drained so I almost didn’t go, but then decided, fuck it, I’ll go anyways. I wore a HOT green top that showed cleavage and wore dominatrix heels, though I ended up taking those off. According to Zen, he DEFINITELY noticed the top! 😉

He asked me why I didn’t go to the dance. First I claimed I had homework, which he scoffed at. Then I told him I didn’t have anything to wear. He said that he had looked through my facebook photos and that I DEFINITELY had things to wear! (He looked through my facebook pics? That is definitely a good sign!) I told him it was my friend’s dress not mine, and he insisted I could have borrowed it. I said Zen my wing-woman wasn’t there, and he said she would never go to a dance! It seemed to me that he was very keen on my going to the dance. (I also know that Dev had asked Zen why I didn’t go several times before asking me in person.)

There was also this one moment where he looked over at me and I saw him and I just felt lightning. I haven’t felt this way about someone for years! I also discovered that he sometimes randomly acts like a kitten, which I find unspeakably adorable.

As Zen walked with me to wait for my car, she told me that she had heard form a girl that Dev confides in that he had/ has feelings for a girl in Chicago, who lives too far away for him to have a relationship with her. Zen was afraid that I might be just a physical substitute for this other girl, and warned me of his commitment-phobia.

From yesterday (Thursday):

OK, so Zen talked to Dev for me, telling him that I didn’t ask her to because it’s “not my style”. So he told her that even though he thinks I’m “fabulous and all that”, he couldn’t date me til I’m 18, since he’s an education major and it might jeopardize his future job. He DID say that he wants to take things slow and get to know me, and would be willing to wait til I’m 18 to date me, and that he probably won’t date anyone til then. He said that he thought I would be taken though. And then… he did a FROWNY FACE!!! 😦

This is amazing. This is the first time in my life that I’ve ever had a guy think I’m great- and the fact that he thinks I’ll be taken by then just goes to show that he thinks I’m attractive, maybe even out of his league!!!!!

Strangely enough, Rachel Berry on Glee just got a boyfriend. It was in the Madonna episode, which I have to say ROCKED. I think I might end up using Madonna’s attitude as career inspiration in the future…

Anyways, my plan is to first order an attraction spell and specifically make him not care about the age difference. To fall intensely in love with me and do anything to make me happy; to not feel content without me. 🙂



{April 21, 2010}   anorexia pic post

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GREAT link: http://xdramatique.deviantart.com/



{April 21, 2010}   daily personal update

Still awaiting a response from the voodoo woman. I don’t know WHAT I’ll do if she says that the physical changes spell isn’t good for metabolism… (Apparently it’ll take a few months anyways but I can wait that long.)

Thanks to today’s career fair at school, I’m considering what to do on the side until I’ve hit my stride acting. You can take a 600 hour massage class for $7, 125 after you graduate high school and get a license; someone told me that you’re sure to make back all the money you spent on tuition within a year. I think I might do that…

Random Shiney news. She’s even more of an idiot than I thought. I had thought she’d left the whole “multiple personalities” schtick behind, but apparently Xang heard at a party that her “friends” were rolling their eyes about “Good Shiney” and “Bad Shiney”.

Better yet, when I asked M for a scissors, she made me promise that I wasn’t going to cut myself. I said no, and she’s like “Good, because beleive it or not I had a kid do that before.” I couldn’t help myself. I was like, “Really? I know someone like that.” I said it REALLY loudly and looked at Shiney from across the room. She looked right at me, and I’m SURE that she knew I meant her. M’s like,  “Like really, who borrows a scissors so they can cut themselves?” I look RIGHT at Shiney and go “The girl I knew had her own special bag.” She looked really upset and nervous at that point, and I was really tempted to spill it to M that “the person is in this room”, but I didn’t. I preferred watching her squirm. XD



{April 21, 2010}   hypnosis in acting

Blurbs about the potential use of hypnosis in acting.

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{April 19, 2010}   life stuff
  • I’m taking so many classes during the summer that summer-school is going to be the equivalent of a full day of school. (Turns out summer break is really anything but!)
  • I emailed the voodoo woman under an alternate email (so she wouldn’t think I was bothering or spamming her!) and asked if one of the physical traits she could change might be metabolism. I even went so far as to say Gisele Bundchen’s metabolism would be fab!  🙂
    • Just realized that based off the time that she emailed me back on my other account, I’ll have to wait til later tonight to know the answer, since I emailed my question 2 hours after she logged off. (She emailed me back 16 hours ago, and I emailed her 2 hours after that.)
  • Not gonna lie, I am starting to get back into Glee. It’s a really addictive show… but I still can’t figure out which character I identify with the most!
    • I really wish I could sing like the girl who plays Rachel Berry. I’m listening to the Glee version of “Gives You Hell”. God, what I wouldn’t give to have that voice! I actually admire the character’s guts, too, on some level. Knowing that she’ll be a star no matter what and that the people who made fun of her will realize their mistake someday… I wish I could be that sure!

look up Diana Agron for thinspo



{April 19, 2010}   Selma Blair

“I’m the first to say I have no apologies if I get thin. Yeah, maybe sometimes I’m stressed and don’t have much room for the bad doughnuts I like to eat, but unfortunately I’m probably at my healthiest when I’m my thinnest.”

“I really binged on food in Budapest. It was so cold and we were shooting nights. The director says that in one half of the film I look boney and in the other half like a puffer fish. It’s the most unprofessional thing I have ever done on a movie. So I gained 20 pounds and now I have to work out – and diet!”

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{April 19, 2010}   naturally thin.

I can’t get the idea out of my mind – what it must be like to be so naturally skinny that you don’t have to worry about what you eat, no need for major overhaul, just a couple adjustments. Sigh. It’s like a dream. Body like Gisele, Selma Blair, that freshman girl K….

No more crash-dieting. No more jealousy. TONS of cheap clothes new from the sales rack because no one else can fit them (Wet Seal, Charlotte Russe; an entire bumber-crop from Victor/Victoria’s!).

5′ 10″, 115 pounds. Corseted, too. And fasting on kale lemonade til I’m a twig.

Gods, I could even do some modeling! And if I were naturally thin it would be no trouble at all. Doing CRON I could freeze my physical self where I am and stay stick-bug-y and waifish forever! My senior year I could be making money just by posing.

Smokey-eyed red-head with pulpy lips and watery green eyes. Pale, twiggy limbs and translucent skin. She looks like an old-fashioned bisque doll with milky skin and green glass eyes.

Almost-boyish body dressed in a plaid tartan miniskirt and the type of thin white t-shirt that most men wear under their clothes. A red beret like the one that girl wore in the Dreamers. With her innocently blossoming look, she’s like a petulant sex kitten or a naive ’60s schoolgirl. kittenish wispy BB

She wears little-kid’s makeup, bare arms dusty with glitter and

Fiery red hair touseled and soft,

Like a Lolita or a Lola or a Lux. A Holly or an Edie or a Valentine.



{April 19, 2010}   more random updates

I just want to type up a few random updates before I nod off to bed.

  • I found out that the Brazilian priestess will do the work for 50% of cost ahead of time and 50% on the day the working is done. Obviously getting the cheapest love spell offered will let me know if they work or not and I won’t be wasting my money on anything more costly that doesn’t work.
    • Her cheapest love spell is $290, which is $145 per payment. (I may have that much after my next paycheck.) The conjure lasts 28 days, so I’d need to make that much more in a month. (It’s a little over 20 hours to pay it off 1 payment.)
    • It says on her FAQ that the success rate of her spells is such that 98.7% had their results 3 to 5 weeks after they got the report that the work was finished.
    • Just to have found anyone whose spells work this well will have been worth any money I wasted in the past!
    • If the love spell works, then getting a Physical Changes metabolism spell would be thousands of dollars cheaper than laser lipo and also more permanent/ healthy. I would love to have a metabolism like Giselle Bundchen’s!
  • There was a really sweet old guy at work today who talked to me. I asked him about what book he was reading and he said it from Half Price book and was by a 6th century Chinese philosopher called… well, I’ll look that up later. He talked about a crazy Bible lady who got mad when he asked if the billions who weren’t Christian would end up in hell just for disagreeing with her beliefs.  I said I went to a Unitarian Universalist church for all religions in Brookfield and how Elm Grove wouldn’t give them land; he said it was good, upsetting the status quo. When I said there were many paths that lead to wherever (reincarnation, paradise, god, etc) he said that he guessed we had something in common! And rather than being completely normal about the whole thing like a normal person would, I opted to spend the remainder of my shift picturing him as my potential father figure. Sigh.

    • There was a lady who had an adorable dog in her car when I brought her food out to her. It was called a “teddybear”, a cross between a Bichon Frise and a Shih Tzu. SO cute.
    • I got SO hungry that I ended up occasionally shoving people’s extra fries into my mouth when I trashed their trays. They were really salty and rich, carby… But at least I restrained myself from eating 3 otherwise-perfect ones I’d found on the floor. >.>
  • Random as it is truly, I found this new pop song (old really, but new to me) called “Hot as Ice” – holy shit, it’s by Britney Spears! I didn’t know that til I looked it up just now. Huh.
  • I swear to god there was something else I wanted to type…. stupid adderall. I’d better be able to sleep tonight.
  • Oh, I also have showered only 3 times in the last 4 months since my surgery. Partly because I feel like I can’t be bothered, partly because my hair is so long it’s a bitch to comb/ untangle. So far no one but my parents have mentioned anything. Talk about conserving water!
  • I missed the Riverworld premiere on SciFi because of my job. Darnit. At least now we have DVR! 🙂


{April 19, 2010}   hottie post 1

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T. P. (not gonna use names so I’m not  “hit on” by Google Search!)

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et cetera