A Rose with Starry Eyes











{March 16, 2010}   fun aplhabet survey
A – Available: VERY. Unless Bri’s conjure starts working soon…
B – Best Friend: Xang. She just made me a red bracelet! 😀
C – Color of Your Room: White, like the rest of our boring house. Must be careful of resale value! *rolls eyes*
D – Dad’s Name: Bipolar fatass. And that’s all you’re getting! *sticks out tongue, blows raspebrries*
E – Easiest Person To Talk To: My brother.
F – Favorite Food: Cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a pickle on the side. Mmmmm, diner food….
G – Gummy Bears Or Worms: Sour gummy worms.
H – Hometown: Largest city in Dairyland. Like being the tallest midget.
I – Instrument: Used to play the violin. I’d love to learn it again, or the piano.
J – Job: Working at an icecream place (supposedly)
K – Kids: None, thanks. I have enough on my hands with siblings! (Though eventually I might adopt one who reminds me of myself, weird and outcast with a love of books who needs reassurance…)
L – Longest Car Ride: From Dairyland to Florida, nonstop. Ugh.
M – Milk Flavor: Skim, organic.
N – Number Of Siblings: 2, a brother and a bother- and by “bother” I mean sister.
O – One Wish: More wishes? Nah, too easy, it’s cheating. To love forever and always be young and beautiful. Or to be the most talented, bankable  actress ever. (If I were wise, I’d wish for happiness… If I were kind, I’d wish for world peace.)
P – Phobias: Just one; reaching the Age of Failure; never accomplishing what I need to.
Q – Favorite Quote: Varies a lot, but I really like “Well Behaved Women rarely make History.”
S – Song You Last Heard: Criminal by Fiona Apple
U – Unknown Fact About Me: If I told you, it would no longer be unknown, would it? 😉
V – Vegetable: Cucumbers are good…
W – Worst Habits: Procrastinating. Which I am doing now.

X – X-Rays You’ve Had: I’ve had at least one, but I don’t remember what it was for…
Y – Your Favorite Pastime: Daydreaming, hands down. Or watching movies, reading books, internet. Escapism, basically…
Z – Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius


Truly Random Stuff Goes First

  • My blog now has 22 followers and I have devoted myself to answering each of their questions. They’re all really cool! 🙂
  • I’m starting the Shangri-La diet.
  • My bro’s GF Hally finally kissed him. 🙂
  • I dropped off dad’s shirt & the conjure money at the Bee and I’ll get an update in a week. Mom even came in with me and talked to the woman, and she later commented on how empathetic and sensitive she was.

Plans for Future Wealthy BF

What I need him to get me for college:

  • conjure to get into first choice college ( UWMadison or Berkley)
  • credit card in my name that he pays for (covers food, corsets, collapsible bike, dinair makeup, etsy stuff, clothes, gas, etc.)
  • my tuition (esimated $20,00 according to here: http://www.admissions.wisc.edu/costs.php)
  • pays for housing (dorms? sorority house? rent someplace?)
  • a “smart car; the new 2010 Toyota IQ (priced $13,000 to $17,500)
  • mac laptop ($1000)
  • trip to Brazil to get nose job, chemical peel, smartlipo

According to the conjure lady, I have to choose the top 7 qualities for the guy I want. Originally I wanted someone to sweep me off my feet, all charismatic and gorgeous, but now I realize a less social guy would be easier to bag…. Here are my top ideas:

  1. LOVES to spoil me
  2. good conversationalist
  3. wealthy & generous
  4. falls head-over-heels in love with me
  5. would do anything to make me happy
  6. travels a lot and LOVES to take me with!
  7. he makes the first move (pursues me, asks me out, thinks it’s cute I’m shy/inexperienced.)

Stuff from Today

  • Cool new rewards idea: I can get a self-published book of my ana writing! Like fave thinspos, lists, entries, etc.  That way I’m not reliant on technology and it looks legitimate. All my creative writings put together, all my triggers, like a legitimate ana Bible. A portable trigger.
  • Shiney did her makeup that asinine way again, sort of an Egyptian liquid eyeliner look. I can’t wait to be thinner than her and show her what fashionable REALLY looks like….
  • I think my goal is to reach 120 by the end of the school year. I won’t consider weight to be lost until I need new clothes.

I got the job at Culver’s!!!

  • The guy who hired me said that they had literally 1,000 people applying, and were getting 35 online applications per day. NO idea WHY he hired me of all people, but he did! 😀 I guess it pays minimum wage, but I can save up and buy conjures and corsets and etc; my first conjure obviously will be the one for a wealthy BF, since he’ll be the gift that keeps on giving! XD
  • I have my first day this Thursday; it’s an orientation. I think I get paid for that too…

Things I Need to Buy at Sentry’s

They’re having a huge sale at Sentry’s by my house and I need to stock up before the good stuff is gone. The best thing they’re selling is the boxes of flavored low-cal drink packets which are usually WAY expensive but the new off-brands sell for a dollar for 12!!!! 🙂

  • off-brand low-cal drink packets (cherry and lemonade)
  • boxes of gauze (for S.I., a la Alice)
  • bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide (anti-septic to clean cuts,under $1)

I also need to shoplift some stuff, since I have less than $20 left. I should get:

  • Hello Kitty band-aids (very Shiney! so additional trigger there.)
  • vitamins/spices
  • lighter/matches
  • fiber products
  • cheap, tiny notepad

Another Big Trigger: S.I.

Alright, the Alice cut in the movie REALLY triggered me. To make me remember that I am becoming like her, I am planning to walk to the local college library and do an almost ceremonial 3 cuts to my left arm in that one abandoned bathroom; I’ll use the Shiney-esque exactoblade, then the hot-stinging Hydrogen Peroxide and finally wrap the gauzy banadges the way Alice did in the movie.

Additional S.I./trigger ideas;

  • burning tongue with hot water to cut down on food consumption
  • something with fire, like a cigarette burn


{March 8, 2010}   cross-stitching

Really cool cross-stitching patterns on Etsy

Read the rest of this entry »



{March 3, 2010}   life updates

Everybody Hates Shiney

Today in Enviro Sci, I found out that I am not the only one who loves to scoff at Shiney. Two girls who sit next tome hate the bitch too, especially one I’ll call Krissy. When Shiney went over by the chinchillas cage to try to pick one up and cuddle with it, it ran like hell to the other side of the cage and hid in its igloo. Krissy and her friend cracked up as Shiney tried to shrug and casually walk back to her desk, pretending not to be bothered that a small animal is terrified of her face.

When Miller walked by, Shiney tried to say something to her, but Miller couldn’t hear and just kept walking, so Shiney just sort of shut up mid-sentence; Krissy cackled again.

Later on in the class period, I knew they were definitely making fun of her because they said her name, and Krissy said something about seeing her at the mall with a teacher and how the teacher had to squat down just to talk to her. Krissy and friend laughed again.

Another random Shiney note: she decided to be all “unique” today and wear a hideous glittery gold VEST. When she came up to the table this morning in the caf  to give Xang a hug, I went “OMG! There’s a giant gold leprauchan behind you!” She looked HORRIBLE. And I heard her talkling sheepishly to her other “fashionista”-wannabe friend saying that “she brought a hoodie with in case she chooses to cover it up later…” fashion disaster much? XD

My Fitness Goals

Here are my caloric burning projections on the elliptical (intensity 10).

  • 30 minutes = 400 calories
  • 60 minutes = 1,000 calories
  • 130 minutes = 2, 454 calories

Needless to say, my new goal is to alternate 1 and 2 hours on the elliptical daily on intensity 10. If I can start checking DVDs out of the library that are historic and long, like biopics or documentaries, then I can literally go the whole time without having to get off the elliptical! 🙂 Also, I can watch old PBS News episodes online and PBS documentaries via Hulu.

If I can reach my goal every day, I can burn 8.5 pounds total on the 2 hour days & 4 pounds total on the 1 hour days. At the projected calorie burning rate, I can burn off 12.5 pounds of fat in a month. This means that by the end of the month, my weight should go from 150 to 138 pounds.

Also, I did 130 minutes on the elliptical, or 1 hour and 40 minutes total. on intensity of 10. This burned 2,454 calories total, according to the machine!!

My Monetary Situation

Last night, my brother agreed to lend me money to pay the BF conjure as long as I agree to pay him off in 6 months. I promised I will as long as the woman even agrees to accept my case – I hope she will!!!

Also, I have an interveiw for the ice-cream place on Sunday. A part time job would be good to tide me over while I wait the month or two for the conjure to kick in… Plus the customers at the ice-cream place will probably serve as some pretty kick-ass reverse thinspo! 😉

Hexing Shiney

When I finally get to hex SHiney, I am going to have SOOOO much fun with it.  I’ve decided upon a skull candle and a doll baby ro make it happen. Here’ws my list of things to do:

  1. Shave head like Sinaed O’Connor!
  2. convince her that Mr. Co-dependent is her soulmate and she MUST seduce him
  3. tell her doll-baby that there is a void in her life that can only be filled by eating; she is constantly hungry, she can never stop thinking about how much she wants food… make her seriously fat!!
  4. make her paranoid that all her friends are against her and she has to destroy their lives first
  5. for her to have trouble focusing on final exams, standardized testing
  6. make her smash her iphone out of anger
  7. convince her that Rach and Xang are the cause of all her problems and if she’s mean to them, they’ll go away.
  8. melt dripping wax on the doll-baby’s face so she gets REALLY bad acne
  9. for her to cyber-bully Xang, Rach, Mallory, Mr. Co-Dependent’s ex-GF, etc.
  10. get her to start wearing that horrible “face-paint” eyeliner again (especially right after she shaves her head!)
  11. for her to friend me back on LJ and make it possible to read everything she writes, a catalogue of her miseries and binges.


{March 1, 2010}   quotes of the day

“I think your sister is pretty.”

~my bro’s GF Hally commenting on me, telling him instead of me because she though it would be awkward! 😉

So the other day, my brother’s GF came over. (In the hopes that she’ll stick around and make him happy for a really long time, I’ll give her a codename now; Hally.) I was just wearing PJ pants and a hoodie but she apparently thought I was pretty! It honestly made me squeal with joy to get a sincere complement from a total stranger; no one ever calls me pretty, and if they EVER do, it’s because they have to. I just make myself imagine how great it’ll feel once more people tell me that!

Mary: I really need to start starving myself… Rose is on a hard-core diet. I’m surprised you didn’t know; I thought you guys were really close.”

Xang: “She probably just didn’t tell me because she doesn’t want to trigger me.”

~paraphrasing a conversation between Xang and Mary.

OK, so long story short, Mary is a girl in my gym class who asked me about my Carnation drink a few days ago. I told her about it and ended revealing my diet to her. She didn’t really comment at the time, she was just sort of nice and polite, but later on she had a class with Xang. Xang has had issues in Miller’s class, first when Trish said she “tried being anorexic once but failed”, and today Mary says that “I really need to starve myself”. This got Xang pissed, which made Mary innocently bring up my crash diet. This is a trigger on multiple levels; first, I now feel accountible to Mary to show I lost the weight and stuck with it. My goal is to make Mary comment on my size! Secondly, she called my diet “hardcore”; I’ve never been called hardocre in my LIFE, so this is pretty cool. And I know she’s not ana, but I am determined to stick to a diet that a normal perosn would find “hardcore”. I know I can do it! Thirdly, Xang now knows about my diet. I don’t want to trigger her, obviously, but in a sick way, I DO want her to worry. Or at least notice that I lost the weight.



et cetera