A Rose with Starry Eyes











{March 3, 2010}   life updates

Everybody Hates Shiney

Today in Enviro Sci, I found out that I am not the only one who loves to scoff at Shiney. Two girls who sit next tome hate the bitch too, especially one I’ll call Krissy. When Shiney went over by the chinchillas cage to try to pick one up and cuddle with it, it ran like hell to the other side of the cage and hid in its igloo. Krissy and her friend cracked up as Shiney tried to shrug and casually walk back to her desk, pretending not to be bothered that a small animal is terrified of her face.

When Miller walked by, Shiney tried to say something to her, but Miller couldn’t hear and just kept walking, so Shiney just sort of shut up mid-sentence; Krissy cackled again.

Later on in the class period, I knew they were definitely making fun of her because they said her name, and Krissy said something about seeing her at the mall with a teacher and how the teacher had to squat down just to talk to her. Krissy and friend laughed again.

Another random Shiney note: she decided to be all “unique” today and wear a hideous glittery gold VEST. When she came up to the table this morning in the caf  to give Xang a hug, I went “OMG! There’s a giant gold leprauchan behind you!” She looked HORRIBLE. And I heard her talkling sheepishly to her other “fashionista”-wannabe friend saying that “she brought a hoodie with in case she chooses to cover it up later…” fashion disaster much? XD

My Fitness Goals

Here are my caloric burning projections on the elliptical (intensity 10).

  • 30 minutes = 400 calories
  • 60 minutes = 1,000 calories
  • 130 minutes = 2, 454 calories

Needless to say, my new goal is to alternate 1 and 2 hours on the elliptical daily on intensity 10. If I can start checking DVDs out of the library that are historic and long, like biopics or documentaries, then I can literally go the whole time without having to get off the elliptical! 🙂 Also, I can watch old PBS News episodes online and PBS documentaries via Hulu.

If I can reach my goal every day, I can burn 8.5 pounds total on the 2 hour days & 4 pounds total on the 1 hour days. At the projected calorie burning rate, I can burn off 12.5 pounds of fat in a month. This means that by the end of the month, my weight should go from 150 to 138 pounds.

Also, I did 130 minutes on the elliptical, or 1 hour and 40 minutes total. on intensity of 10. This burned 2,454 calories total, according to the machine!!

My Monetary Situation

Last night, my brother agreed to lend me money to pay the BF conjure as long as I agree to pay him off in 6 months. I promised I will as long as the woman even agrees to accept my case – I hope she will!!!

Also, I have an interveiw for the ice-cream place on Sunday. A part time job would be good to tide me over while I wait the month or two for the conjure to kick in… Plus the customers at the ice-cream place will probably serve as some pretty kick-ass reverse thinspo! 😉

Hexing Shiney

When I finally get to hex SHiney, I am going to have SOOOO much fun with it.  I’ve decided upon a skull candle and a doll baby ro make it happen. Here’ws my list of things to do:

  1. Shave head like Sinaed O’Connor!
  2. convince her that Mr. Co-dependent is her soulmate and she MUST seduce him
  3. tell her doll-baby that there is a void in her life that can only be filled by eating; she is constantly hungry, she can never stop thinking about how much she wants food… make her seriously fat!!
  4. make her paranoid that all her friends are against her and she has to destroy their lives first
  5. for her to have trouble focusing on final exams, standardized testing
  6. make her smash her iphone out of anger
  7. convince her that Rach and Xang are the cause of all her problems and if she’s mean to them, they’ll go away.
  8. melt dripping wax on the doll-baby’s face so she gets REALLY bad acne
  9. for her to cyber-bully Xang, Rach, Mallory, Mr. Co-Dependent’s ex-GF, etc.
  10. get her to start wearing that horrible “face-paint” eyeliner again (especially right after she shaves her head!)
  11. for her to friend me back on LJ and make it possible to read everything she writes, a catalogue of her miseries and binges.


{February 11, 2010}   today’s updates

So, today I returned some library books and checked out Wasted and Chainless Soul. I’m not returning them until I have typed out here and saved on my email all the triggering excerpts.

I got to see Xang and Rach at the end of their 1st hour class. Xang talked to me about an anti-feminist article she read, how she fell on the way to school, etc. The Shiney came in and gave her a huge hug, which frankly pissed me off.

Shiney’s eyes looked like they were smudged with makeup, like either she was tired or crying. I’ve more or less issued a challenge to her; by posting a facebook status last night about “Rose did 40 flights of stairs total – take THAT, banana bread!”, I made it known I’m back on the EDNOS train. This morning when I showed Xang my Wasted book, Shiney saw, and commented to Xang that “that was the book she was reading when she passed out on the bus and no one noticed”. She said it with a smile in that stupid, abrasive voice. I’m determined to do better today, if only to make Shiney jealous as hell. I can succeed by doing what Shiney never could: reaching the actual goal mark, visibly, and making people worried about me because it shows, not because I have to fake symptoms.

Mom promised to move the table out of my room so I can do my callanetics. It’ll be a gradual process getting into my full goal workout regime, but it’ll be worth it once I see results.

After skimming Wasted, I’m considering changing my diet. Tuna apparently makes a great meal, full of protein and quite filling for under 100 calories! You can mask the fishy taste through using Lemon Pepper condiments. You only binge if you get malnourished; without malnourishment, you can lose weight faster without bingeing. It’s important to adjust your diet to fit all the nutrients, and to include major protein to build muscles! ( I still need to get around to taking Tonalin CLA…)

I think I’ll start putting together a plastic baggie of pills, vitamins, etc. the night before I go to school so I can grab and go!

 I’m not going to be able to make it to the Oliver audition today. I have class, my legs are stiff, I can’t even get my stupid criminal Justice essay done because I can’t find the directions. I’m such a goddamn failure.




So, today I went on the stationary bike during lunch and burned about 210 calories. We went snow-shoeing outdoors in gym class, so that probably made a dent. I also walked to the local college and ran up and down the stairs ten times total (4 floors, up and down counts as one time). I never did figure out where the gym was… I spent a few hours in the library cutting out words, pics, etc. from Harper’s Bazaar. Pretty soon I’m going to need to figure out what type of collages I’m going to make- a scrap book, a bunch of posters, etc. I should make some notecards too, so that I can laminate them and tape them in my notebooks, and eventually when I get my own place, on the mirror, doors, fridge – especially the fridge!

Unfortunately, despite my decent workout ethic today, I also had a weak moment. I got home, stressed and ravenous (we’re out of Clif bars, the only thing I am willing to eat for lunch, and I refuse to stress mom out further by expecting her to drive in bad weather to get them), and ate a large bowl of raisin bran with strawberry yogurt. And that might not have been so bad… had I stopped there. I also had two or three large slices of Mom’s homemade banana bread. I could literally feel my stomach expanding, and I flashed back to all those times I had binged after school, gotten depressed, ruined my diet, and continued the cycle. Even though it was cold outside, I walked to the local college and did my thing. in retrospect, a good choice, although it did eat up a couple hours of my day. (Better than my eating for a couple hours of the day! XD)

Rather than hating myself over a weak moment, I’ve decided to embrace this as a learning experience, since self-hatred leads to failure. This is an empowering experience; it is a step on the road to becoming an actress! It is not an obstacle, but a piece of a puzzle!


What I have learned from my mistakes today:

  • right after Internat’l Rel, drop off backpack and stuff in the Drama as Lit room, then head right to the gym. DO NOT stop for small talk or say hi to people!
  • as soon as you get on the bike, increase the intensity. the reason I didn’t burn the projected amount of calories today is because I started out too slow and didn’t build fast enough. Start out at 6.5 intensity.
  • when the afterschool cravings are about to hit, take a 10 mg adderall; enough to suppress your hunger but not enough to keep you awake at night!

What I ate today:

  • Carnation drink, organic milk: 230 cals
  • 1 oz almonds: 160 cals
  • 2 and a half slices banana bread: 400 calories?

Exercise I did today:

  • Snow-shoeing for 30 min. estimate
  • stationary bike for 40 min; went 5 miles/21 laps, burned 210 cals
  • ran up & down 4 flights of stairs 10x

That’s actually not too bad, knock on wood! 🙂

 



{February 10, 2010}   ULTIMATE goal workout routine

Ok, so I devised this earlier today when wondering about how I could burn calories without getting totally exhausted or running out of time and procrastinating til tomorrow. The solution I came up with is here, and while I know it won’t be easy and I KNOW it will take some initiative, I challenge myself to last on this routine for an entire week. I’ll compare measurements and photos, too. (Faceless pics, of course!)

Lunch hour: go on the stationary bike in the gym (with ipod);

calories burned per 45 min: 369 at moderate speed at 155 pounds

calories burned per 45 min: 600 at high speed at 155 pounds

After school: go to local college for 2 part workout.

run up and down stairs, alternating between cardio and skipping every other step (equal to a lunge)

calories burned per 25 min: 236 at 155 pounds

do the 5 Factor Workout at the gym.

burns estimate 125 calories in full 25 min. workout

Before Bed: callanetics DVD, full.

calories burned per 45 min: 200 at 155 pounds

Projected Caloric Total: 950 calories burned daily


So basically, I intake estimated 1000 calories (if I more or less follow my self-appointed meal plan) and burn 950 calories daily. I apparently need 1937 calories daily anyways because of my Basal Metabolic Rate… So, you add your BMR number to the calories you burn in a day and subtract your total food calories. (1937 + 950 – 1000 = ?) My answer is 1,887. (This is the calorie deficit I have daily.) If it takes burning 3,500 calories to lose a pound, within a week of working out 6 days per week I will have lost roughly 3 pounds of fat (or 11,322 calories). In addition to the fat loss, I’m sure the inch loss will be substantial, and hopefully my jeans will be looser by this time next week! 😉

The stationary bike will be great because I won’t won’t overload Xang’s tolerance of me plus I won’t be bored or tempted to mooch at lunch. The callanetics before bed should be fine since it’s rather low-impact. The hardest part of this will probably be to go to the gym, since I’m not totally sure where it is and I’ve never done 5 factor fitness before. Running up and down the stairs might actually be pretty fun, especially with an ipod – I’ll definitely feel the burn! – so that part should be relatively simple. It’ll be a pain walking home in all this snow, though…

ALSO: NOTE TO SELF!!! Start taking Tonalin CLA so muscles get stronger, faster!! You still have 3 bottles lying around! 😛



et cetera