A Rose with Starry Eyes











{April 23, 2010}   my life, mundane updates

My list of goals for 2010:

  1. Get a BF (Dev)
  2. Be skinny (voodoo)
  3. Settle plastic surgery (get loan/$, set date, etc.)
  4. Apply early to UCLA (get in via voodoo)
  5. BONUS: get mom a divorce, remarry rich

…Now for some stuff about Shiney.

One of my biggest triggers has always been that I want to beat her; I want to succeed everywhere she failed. Below I will list those areas and how I am going to succeed, unlike her.

  • BF: She got dumped by hers. If I start dating a hot college guy while she remains single, then I have officially triumphed! 
  • weight: This one is easy. I know she’s still crash-dieting and probably abusing adderall while chomping down goldfish, so seeing me as a 5′ 10″ 114-pounds Elyse Sewell-lookalike while probably bother her more than she’ll admit. >:)
  • fashion: She takes so much pride in her stupid “original” fashions that when mine turn out to be sexier and cooler-looking, she’ll be so jealous. (being twiggy will help me rock any style, too.)
  • career: obviously, if I succeed as a films actress, this will mean I win for life.
  • school: I’ll get into UCLA & I know she’s not a great student so she’ll probably stay in-state.
  • friends: This one will be tricky. _____

Another random note is that she is still using the journal I shoplifted for her as a present on her sixteenth 2 years ago. Interesting. I wonder if she remembers that when she uses it…?



Boy News!

I met a really great guy at my friend Zen’s anime club at her college. I think I’ll call him Dev in this blog. I’ve talked to him and we have a lot in common; he originally liked Zen but she decided he wasn’t serious enough. I saw him 2 days; both days we watched movies in the lounge with a bunch of other people. He was open to dating me up unil he found out about the age difference (3 years). It’s been forever since I met a guy I was this attracted to! I’m definitely going to try to make a move. When the time comes, I’ll try to slip some red into cupcakes I’ll bake for the club and hopefully he’ll have some! In addition, I’m saving up for a voodoo spell, which is detailed below.

Distant Future

I’m counting on getting a spell done by a voodoo priestess in Brazil to snag the guy I mentioned before. After that, she has a spell for physical body changes that apparently “changes aspects you don’t like” (1 change per cast, and very pricey). I think the best thing to do is to inquire if it can speed up metabolism, since technically that is a bodily change as well as an aspect I don’t like! Ultimately, I want her to make a ritual so I get into my first-choice college, at this moment, is UCLA. Her spell-work is expensive but it’s a legitimate Brazilian Santeria priestess and it’s my choice, anyways!

Spells to Cast Overtime

  • boyfriend: Dev to fall in love with me.
  • admissions to first choice college (UCLA)
  • get the loan/ find a co-signer for surgery; make parents okay with it
  • career: inherent talent, agent, big breaks, specific roles, charisma, Oscar
  • lose the weight (physical body change: metabolism)

Goals for the Year:

  1. Get a credit card.
  2. Get a BF (preferably Dev).
  3. Get loan for plastic surgery, schedule date.
  4. Get accepted to my first choice college.
  5. Get cast in some type of theatre.
  6. FINALLY lose the weight! (Via laser lipo, voodoo spell, whatever!)
  7. Take senior pictures looking absolutely perfect. (Nose job, hot bod, everything; head-shots, too!)
    1. Technically the deadline for this is the end of senior year. Be sure to use Xang’s photographer that she recommended! (Get a whole new skinny wardrobe from goodwill/sales rack and show off body.)


{April 14, 2010}   paying for surgery
  1. Apply for a credit card, make & pay off monthly purchases to build up a good credit score.
  2. If possible, get a loan from peer-to-peer lending.
  3. Sell your blood plasma to a local clinic 2x a week (max) and possibly be paid in cash. Get $15 to $30 each time, and more if you have been vaccinated for Hep B.
  4. Look into becoming a dominatrix (estimate $200 per hour).
  5. Selling your hair online to make wigs is a possibility; if you choose to, then to sell maximum inches, just shave your head and but a cheap wig from wowwigs.com
  6. Sell your eggs upon turning 18 to any of the companies underneath for minimum $5,000:
    1. The Muasher Center in Virginia will pay you $5,000 to be an egg donor. They will give you fertility drugs to take and requires visits for blood tests and ultrasounds. Egg recovery is a 20-minute procedure.
    2. Conceptual Options will pay egg donors with college degrees over $5,000. They will actually verify your transcripts to confirm your grades. If you are smart you will be on the fast track in their extraordinary egg donor program.
    3. Advanced Fertility Care in Arizona will pay you $3,500 plus provide free health care while you are participating in the program. They are looking for healthy 18- to 30-year-old women living in Arizona.
    4. Genetics & IVF Institute in Washington, DC area is specifically interested in egg donors that have interests in the arts, science and athletics. They provide compensation starting at a minimum of $6000. Your identity will be protected from egg recipients.
    5. Palm Beach Fertility Center in Boca Raton, Florida will pay $4,000 for your egg donation. They are looking for egg donors from 18 to 34 years old. They are looking for women that do not smoke and are not overweight.
    6. Choice Donations in Lakeville, Massachusetts will pay $5,000. They advertise that the process will take 10 to 20 hours for a 4- to 12-week period of time.
    7. Pacific Fertility Center will pay you $7,000 for your first time and $7,500 for repeat donors! In addition they will cover all of your expenses to travel to their clinic in San Francisco, California. This clinic provides all medical care and entire process is handled at their fertility clinic.
      1. This one is excellent because it is not necessary to have proven fertility (no prior pregnancy, abortion, or miscarriage).
      2. They focus on ethnicity, intelligence, and special interests.
      3. Must send in high-quality photos, so perhaps wait until after surgery.
      4. For egg donors traveling from a distance greater than 150 miles, they take care of your travel arrangements and expenses (this includes payment and booking of airfare and lodging), and will reimburse meals (up to $35.00 total per day).
      5. IF you live out of CA, you will have to travel to our clinic up to three times. The third and final time will be for your egg retrieval and plan to stay for about 1 week.
    8. Surro Genesis USA is looking for 21- to 30-year-old egg donors. They will happily pay you $5,000 to $8,000 for your donation. To be an egg donor, you must have blood tests done, take hormones and submit to egg retrieval.
    9. Seattle Reproductive Medicine will pay $3,500 for the first time and $4,000 for repeat donations. They will not accept you as an egg donor if you are overweight, smoke, do not have a high school diploma, have problems with depression or had a tattoo within last year.
    10. A Woman’s Gift based out of Marlton, New Jersey will pay you $5,000 for your egg donation.
    11. Rbaby Surrogacy Services will pay you $3,000 to $6,000 to be an egg donor. If you want to be a surrogate and carry baby full term you may be compensated $18,000 to $30,000. They advertise their company as the gay surrogacy service.


{March 19, 2010}   ana, actress manga

Anorexia/E.D. manga

Anime Film references;

television anime E.D. references:

  • Sailor Moon is an infamous case of characters with an obsession to stay thin. Especially notable in one of the really early episodes of the first series.
    • Jedite decides to open a sort of fitness center where ladies get to lose weight just lying in capsules while Jedite steals their life’s energy.
      Obviously Usagi and her classmates get enthralled by the idea and go there. Naru starts going there compulsively and starts to lose a heck of a lot of weight much to Jadeite’s delight. However with Luna’s help, Sailor Moon discovers to truth and saves the day. Naru eventually recoves her weight
    • In another early episode, Luna makes a mockey drawing of Usagi saying her compulsive eating will make her fat. Usagi gets offended by the drawing and tosses it on the street. Oh surprise, the piece of paper falls on Mamoru’s face who makes fun of it. Usagi gets so angry that she decides to be on a starving diet thinking it will work. Hahaha, she faints from starvation while walking back home from her school on the first day. Fortunately her friend Motoki finds her and gives her a huge bag of doughnuts. Much to her happiness, he tells her that she’s fine as she is and that she should never do it again
    • In Sailor Moon R, Both Calaberas and Esmeraude are mocked at for binge eating cakes. Calaberas gets very offended when she hears this. Could Calaberas be bulimic?
    • In Sailor Moon Stars, Sailor Tin Nyanko calls Sailor Lead Crow fat very rudely and that she should get on a diet even though Lead Crow is obviously thin.
  • Now, another anime with a 1 episode case of self starving and obsessive over-exercise to get thinner despite being thin already is uhh.. I can’t remember which episode, but it’s from Pita-Ten.
    • Koboshi who is a freaking kid for crying out loud feels that her love to compete at eating contests and her tomboyish behavior is the reason why Kotaro isn’t interested in her. She decides to buy a ridiculously stupid book on how to be a good Japanese girlfriend and it says she must get on a diet among other things. She decides to starve herself and jog obsessively. Eventually she faints in front of Kotaru and he confesses to her that he liked the way she was already.
  • There is a scene in an episode of Vandread where all the girls have gotten obsessed about their weight. Everyone’s surprised to see Meia is taking a hot bath to apparently lose some “extra weight”.
  • There is an episode of Hell Teacher Nube where Miki makes fun of Kyoko’s weight (despite being very thin already). Kyoko gets angry and enters the forbidden music room. An evil spirit posesses her to obsessively play the piano all night long. Several days later, everyone notices Kyoko has lost a heck of a lot of weight even though Kyoko doesn’t know why either. All she knows is that she hasn’t slept very well.
    Nube discovers the cause of her unexplained exhaustion and defeats the spirit that has posessed the school’s piano.
  • In another shoujo series called Mirmo Zibang, this is another anime with an episode of obsessive/unhealthy diets.
    • Azumi is tired of competing with Kaede for Setsu’s attention. Yasishi gives Azumi the terrible but ingenious idea to anonymously send a cake to Kaede’s house everyday. She will be forced to eat it and she’ll eventually get real fat and Setsu won’t pay any attention to her anymore.
      As planned, Kaede starts to gain some weight and thanks to Mirmo’s vulgar observations of her enlarged figure, she gets all crazy and starts a serious exercise program and diet to lose weight. Rirumo voluntairly joins in to lose a bit of weight and forces Mirmo to join too because he’s really getting fat fast. Mirmo only does it because he’s so egocentrical that he can’t bear to see himself being fat even though he’s a compulsive chocolate eater.
      Even though Azumi hears this about Kaedde, Azumi keeps on sending Kaede more cakes. Kaede starts asking the delivery boy to return the cakes. Not knowing what to do, the boy starts sending the cakes to Azumi’s house. Since she doesn’t want to waste food, she and Yasishi start to eat the cakes obsessively everyday.
      As expected, Kaede faints from over exercise and not eating anything and Setsu tells her she looks fine and should eat better. Kaede feels overbloated in happiness and quits the diet.
      She discovers that Azumi is now on a harmful binge diet/exercise program herself because she has gotten so fat that she can’t fit in her ballet tutu anymore. Yashishi has also gotten really fat and is also dieting.
  • link: http://www.animenation.net/forums/archive/index.php/t-194710.html

actress stories:



{March 18, 2010}   CRON resources


{March 16, 2010}   randomness
  • Shiney, Miller yesterday, eyemakeup
  • water fasting now
  • figured out how to screencap last night! did Alice in Wonderland.
  • ideas for blog:
    • worst wannarexic story
    • triggering “feeling”
  • HOMEWORK!!!!
    • notes for criminal law; essay on TV episode
    • discrimination paragraphs (1 SOAPSTONE, 1 analysis) –> OVERDUE!!!
    • gym bobsled essay
    • ~
    • ~
    • ~
    • Faulkner’s “Benji” packet
    • Enviro Sci packets
    • “Badger Con” notes (due Thursday)
    • study for geography test (on Friday)
    • AP Gov essay; am I pro or con? Where did my packet go?!?! –> DUE MONDAY


{March 16, 2010}   fun aplhabet survey
A – Available: VERY. Unless Bri’s conjure starts working soon…
B – Best Friend: Xang. She just made me a red bracelet! 😀
C – Color of Your Room: White, like the rest of our boring house. Must be careful of resale value! *rolls eyes*
D – Dad’s Name: Bipolar fatass. And that’s all you’re getting! *sticks out tongue, blows raspebrries*
E – Easiest Person To Talk To: My brother.
F – Favorite Food: Cheese sandwich with tomato soup and a pickle on the side. Mmmmm, diner food….
G – Gummy Bears Or Worms: Sour gummy worms.
H – Hometown: Largest city in Dairyland. Like being the tallest midget.
I – Instrument: Used to play the violin. I’d love to learn it again, or the piano.
J – Job: Working at an icecream place (supposedly)
K – Kids: None, thanks. I have enough on my hands with siblings! (Though eventually I might adopt one who reminds me of myself, weird and outcast with a love of books who needs reassurance…)
L – Longest Car Ride: From Dairyland to Florida, nonstop. Ugh.
M – Milk Flavor: Skim, organic.
N – Number Of Siblings: 2, a brother and a bother- and by “bother” I mean sister.
O – One Wish: More wishes? Nah, too easy, it’s cheating. To love forever and always be young and beautiful. Or to be the most talented, bankable  actress ever. (If I were wise, I’d wish for happiness… If I were kind, I’d wish for world peace.)
P – Phobias: Just one; reaching the Age of Failure; never accomplishing what I need to.
Q – Favorite Quote: Varies a lot, but I really like “Well Behaved Women rarely make History.”
S – Song You Last Heard: Criminal by Fiona Apple
U – Unknown Fact About Me: If I told you, it would no longer be unknown, would it? 😉
V – Vegetable: Cucumbers are good…
W – Worst Habits: Procrastinating. Which I am doing now.

X – X-Rays You’ve Had: I’ve had at least one, but I don’t remember what it was for…
Y – Your Favorite Pastime: Daydreaming, hands down. Or watching movies, reading books, internet. Escapism, basically…
Z – Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius


{March 12, 2010}   Elyse on ANTM

Britain’s Next Top Model anorexia blog: http://the-f-word.org/blog/index.php/2009/04/14/britains-next-top-model-from-anorexic-ideal-to-openly-anorexic/

HUUUUUUGE thread about Elyse: http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/beta/america-s-next-top-model-10/6924-elyse-124.html

blurb about Elyse: http://everything2.com/title/Elyse+Sewell

thread discusses Elyse’s supposed anorexia; AMAZING notes on hypocrisy: http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3117370&st=30

  • Elyse was 5’10” and 114, which is 8 pounds heavier than the same-height Shandi, who got next to no hassling on the show for having those proportions, even after she fainted. Then again, the other contestants didn’t see Shandi as much of a threat (cue “Aw, Shandi.”), unlike Elyse. Keeping your mouth shut can pay dividends.
  • I’m not sure the eating disorder was fake…she looks seriously unhealthy to me, and even her buddy Adrienne indicated that something was fishy. Obviously nothing can be proven based on the footage we saw, but I don’t think we can say definitively whether she had one or not, just because Elyse and her boyfriend claim that she loves ice cream or whatever. I think I really began to loathe Elyse when she said that of course she couldn’t have an eating disorder, because she was so dang smart and knew much more about eating disorders than any of the other girls. Well honey, if you did know a lot about eating disorders, you would realize that chicks like you often develop them. I know several female medical students who are extremely intelligent, driven, and arrogant who suffer from eating disorders. Just because you’re smart and know what they are doesn’t mean you can’t have one.
  • J. Alexander saying she’s great for clothes. They do call the runway models “clothes hangers.” Crap, I think I said that about last season…anyway, she’s the actual body type. We all know that, though.
  • After watching all these other supposed models freak out over Elyse’s supposed eating disorder, it’s obvious none of them have a future in high fashion modeling, nor have a clue over what it’s all about.
    Have any of them ever watched any European fashion shows? If anything, most professional haute couture runway models make Elyse look quite healthy.
    Those gals are insanely tall, whispy rails, literal clothes hangers, and that’s the standard for the runways. I‘m sure most of them live on champage, cigarrettes, coffee, and the occasional salad…if they’re not snorting coke.
  • I think most women have a somewhat tenuous relationship with food. Elyse seems to feel good about her body. I know, she wants to stay that skinny and that’s a bit scary. At the same time, I have read a few studies showing how eating much less is actually good for you and can extend your life span significantly. She doesn’t look like she’s dying to me, or thin beyond her body’s comfort level. I know Adrianne was worried too, but the fact that Robin used it as a way to make Elyse seem like she shouldn’t be there (jeebus, how many fucking ways does she go out of her way to alienate Elyse?), makes me wanna say it isn’t true. If I heard her say something like, “Oh, no, I eat cookies and pastries all day long,” well, that’s like the red banner for eating disorders. She seems aware that she eats little, and doesn’t obsess all that much.
  • I’m not naturally THAT thin, but while I was seriously ill for over a year I had the eating disorder accusation thrown at me repeatedly at work, by friends, and (most fun) by doctors who wouldn’t listen to me. I got very defensive very fast about it. A lot of it was due to the tone and attitude people would take towards me when ‘expressing concern’. They wouldn’t ask a morbidly obese person standing next to me if they were a compulsive eater, but it was perfectly all right to them to grill me about what I ate, monitor me in public, and time the difference between my eating and my bathroom trips. And compare notes. I started yelling at people after a few months of that, too. And carrying around endoscopy pictures detailing why I was losing weight. And whipping them out. At restaurants. I could make anyone anorexic.
  • More on subject, I know how you feel about people questioning whether you have an eating disorder. When I went hyperthyroid for the first time, I dropped 20 pounds and was pretty skeletal. My mom kept accusing me of being anorexic, and it drove me nuts trying to explain to her that I was losing weight on purpose. I really empathize with Elyse. Even though I’ve gained the weight back, my eating philosophy is like Elyse’s: I eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full. And I’ve had quite a few friends make mean-spirited remarks about how I “never eat.” It gets old, fast.
  • Did anyone notice that she had a Bust magazine with her a few episodes ago?
  • Robin used every opportunity to bring up Elyse’s so-called eating disorder, notice? I like how she wore a freaking towel over her butt in the first few shoots, cried because of how she felt about her body, and then at the Zen sit-in, went on about how she embraced every curve on her precious god-given body, and then on and on (like the freakin prayer about those demons) about how the fashion industry makes people too skinny and have eating disorders, Elyse.
    Shannon looks more like she’s missing some nutrients due to poor eating habits. Her skin and hair look a little rough…
  • She has such a small stomach/frame anyway—why would she have a huge appetite? Different body types, different metabolism/appetite rates too.
    I’ve recently lost over 20 pounds, and some folks have actually asked me if I have an eating disorder because I don’t “care about food as much.”
    Hello, my stomach is smaller, hence my appetite is smaller! Why is this such a big mystery to some folks?
    If anything, she has a very healthy perspective of food—we’re not supposed to snack or graze throughout the day at the rate that most of America does, and most people DON’T know when to judge when they’ve eaten too much or when they’re actually hungry.
  • Re: Elyse’s abilities in medical school. She’ll do fine. However, she needs to understand that in med (and law) school, there is ALWAYS someone smarter than you. You’re a Regents Scholar? Your classmate is a Rhodes Scholar. Magna Cum Laude with a double major? Your classmate graduated Summa Cum Laude with three majors and finished in three years. Once she can understand that she will not be the best (something I had to accept as well), she’ll be fine.

Elyse’s livejournal: http://elysesewell.livejournal.com/

good thread: http://www.fansofrealitytv.com/forums/america-s-next-top-model/75184-antm-weight-body-issues-thread.html

  • Elyse also fainted, didn’t she? Or was that someone else? I know Elyse says she doesn’t have an ED and lord knows her blog is all about food, but seeing her eat oatmeal at a pizza parlor really looked like a model trying not to gain weight.
  • Shandi fainted during the makeup challenge. She was shoved into some hot lights and acknowledged afterwards that she hadn’t been eating properly.


{March 12, 2010}   my thinspos list
  • Elyse from AMTM, lj blog
  • Mary Tyler Moore from Dick Van Dyke show
  • Claudia Schiffer, supermodel
  • Giselle Bundchen, supermodel
  • Lindsay Lohan, got thin on adderall
  • Megan Fox, starved into double digits for the movie Jennifer’s Body
  • Zoe Saldana, ultra-slim ballerina in
  • Audrey Hepburn, dancer and actress, humanitarian
  • Emily Bronte, anorexic writer who wrote best while fasting
  • Mary Kate Olsen, tiny fashionista
  • Mia Wasikowska, from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland
  • Kate Moss, supermodel waif who dated Johnny Depp
  • Crystal Renn, who went from my worst height and weight to 5′ 10″, 100 pounds as a size zero model.
  • Kiera Knightley, actress I envy, my original thinspo queen
  • Pattie Boyd, ’60s model, wife to a Beatle, wrote amazing memoir
  • Hannah Spearitt, blonde pixie actress on Primeval
  • Jennifer Connelly, badass actress with frail frame
  • Julianne Moore, a talented actress who admits “all actresses are constantly hungry”
  • Drew Barrymoore, actress who got a breast reduction too!
  • Brigitte Bardot, beachy French beauty with a teeny waist
  • Lady Gaga, pop star extraordinaire; says her secret is “starvation”
  • Cate Blanchett, ethereal actress
  • Mia Farrow, bird-boned muse who played Daisy in Gatsby
  • Lily Cole, redheaded model who was in Dr. Parnassus movie
  • Fiona Apple, hauntingly beautiful singer who had anorexia
  • Dakota Fanning, an actress who rocks the very Lolita-esque body you wish you had while snatching up prime roles.
  • Eva Green, French actress
  • Posh Spice, who has insane willpower
  • Evan Rachel Wood, actress from Across the Universe & Running with Scissors, dating Marilyn Manson
  • Edie Sedgwick, petite self-destructive socialite; “girl on fire”


Truly Random Stuff Goes First

  • My blog now has 22 followers and I have devoted myself to answering each of their questions. They’re all really cool! 🙂
  • I’m starting the Shangri-La diet.
  • My bro’s GF Hally finally kissed him. 🙂
  • I dropped off dad’s shirt & the conjure money at the Bee and I’ll get an update in a week. Mom even came in with me and talked to the woman, and she later commented on how empathetic and sensitive she was.

Plans for Future Wealthy BF

What I need him to get me for college:

  • conjure to get into first choice college ( UWMadison or Berkley)
  • credit card in my name that he pays for (covers food, corsets, collapsible bike, dinair makeup, etsy stuff, clothes, gas, etc.)
  • my tuition (esimated $20,00 according to here: http://www.admissions.wisc.edu/costs.php)
  • pays for housing (dorms? sorority house? rent someplace?)
  • a “smart car; the new 2010 Toyota IQ (priced $13,000 to $17,500)
  • mac laptop ($1000)
  • trip to Brazil to get nose job, chemical peel, smartlipo

According to the conjure lady, I have to choose the top 7 qualities for the guy I want. Originally I wanted someone to sweep me off my feet, all charismatic and gorgeous, but now I realize a less social guy would be easier to bag…. Here are my top ideas:

  1. LOVES to spoil me
  2. good conversationalist
  3. wealthy & generous
  4. falls head-over-heels in love with me
  5. would do anything to make me happy
  6. travels a lot and LOVES to take me with!
  7. he makes the first move (pursues me, asks me out, thinks it’s cute I’m shy/inexperienced.)

Stuff from Today

  • Cool new rewards idea: I can get a self-published book of my ana writing! Like fave thinspos, lists, entries, etc.  That way I’m not reliant on technology and it looks legitimate. All my creative writings put together, all my triggers, like a legitimate ana Bible. A portable trigger.
  • Shiney did her makeup that asinine way again, sort of an Egyptian liquid eyeliner look. I can’t wait to be thinner than her and show her what fashionable REALLY looks like….
  • I think my goal is to reach 120 by the end of the school year. I won’t consider weight to be lost until I need new clothes.

I got the job at Culver’s!!!

  • The guy who hired me said that they had literally 1,000 people applying, and were getting 35 online applications per day. NO idea WHY he hired me of all people, but he did! 😀 I guess it pays minimum wage, but I can save up and buy conjures and corsets and etc; my first conjure obviously will be the one for a wealthy BF, since he’ll be the gift that keeps on giving! XD
  • I have my first day this Thursday; it’s an orientation. I think I get paid for that too…

Things I Need to Buy at Sentry’s

They’re having a huge sale at Sentry’s by my house and I need to stock up before the good stuff is gone. The best thing they’re selling is the boxes of flavored low-cal drink packets which are usually WAY expensive but the new off-brands sell for a dollar for 12!!!! 🙂

  • off-brand low-cal drink packets (cherry and lemonade)
  • boxes of gauze (for S.I., a la Alice)
  • bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide (anti-septic to clean cuts,under $1)

I also need to shoplift some stuff, since I have less than $20 left. I should get:

  • Hello Kitty band-aids (very Shiney! so additional trigger there.)
  • vitamins/spices
  • lighter/matches
  • fiber products
  • cheap, tiny notepad

Another Big Trigger: S.I.

Alright, the Alice cut in the movie REALLY triggered me. To make me remember that I am becoming like her, I am planning to walk to the local college library and do an almost ceremonial 3 cuts to my left arm in that one abandoned bathroom; I’ll use the Shiney-esque exactoblade, then the hot-stinging Hydrogen Peroxide and finally wrap the gauzy banadges the way Alice did in the movie.

Additional S.I./trigger ideas;

  • burning tongue with hot water to cut down on food consumption
  • something with fire, like a cigarette burn


et cetera