A Rose with Starry Eyes











{April 19, 2010}   Selma Blair

“I’m the first to say I have no apologies if I get thin. Yeah, maybe sometimes I’m stressed and don’t have much room for the bad doughnuts I like to eat, but unfortunately I’m probably at my healthiest when I’m my thinnest.”

“I really binged on food in Budapest. It was so cold and we were shooting nights. The director says that in one half of the film I look boney and in the other half like a puffer fish. It’s the most unprofessional thing I have ever done on a movie. So I gained 20 pounds and now I have to work out – and diet!”

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{March 3, 2010}   quotes of the day

“I didn’t eat for three days so I could to be lovely.”

~Cassie, being ditched before her date with Sid

`

You have to do a lot of talking. I’m good at talking. You do that while you’re cutting things up a lot. And then, [ask] questionsChange the subject. This is great I love these sausages. You should try one. Go on. [puts the sausage on Sid’s plate] You’re not sure what I’m talking about, but I keep distracting you. So then, I up the ante. [picks up food off Sid’s plate] Really delicious. You’re really sure that I want some more, so I’ll keep waving at you, until you stop looking at me. [she asks another follow-up question from the one she asked earlier] God, I’ve got to go. So full. Gotta dash!

~Cassie, explaining how she gets away with not eating around other people.

`

“Oh, it’s cool. I wear a white dress and now I can eat yogurt, cup a soup and hazelnuts now. If I’m not sick, they let me play with the cats. Yeah, it’s like… hazy days, you know?”

~Cassie after being asked how treatment was going.

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“I’ll love you forever, Sid…. That’s the problem.”

~Cassie, breaking up with Sid

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“Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before… try and keep that feeling, because… if it goes… you’ll never get it back.”  What happens then? “You lay waste to the world… and everything in it.”

~Cassie, explaining broken hearts.



{March 2, 2010}   quotes of the day
“Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”
~Kate Moss in an interview.
This is something I NEED to remember when I’m craving food. Or just eating out of boredom, because it’s the Truth. THE Truth, with a capital T.
Just take it 10 pounds at a time.
Another thing to remember. Looking at my total weight loss, it seems impossible; 150 to 120? That’s thirty pounds!!! But it’s not impossible. In fact, to reach my goal, I just need to lose ten pounds each month (plus an extra five each month). That is not only doable, it can be done at a healthy rate. The key is exercise, because you need to boost your metabolism and you must burn calories to lose weight. Elliptical and callanetics, here I come! 🙂


{March 1, 2010}   quotes of the day

“I think your sister is pretty.”

~my bro’s GF Hally commenting on me, telling him instead of me because she though it would be awkward! 😉

So the other day, my brother’s GF came over. (In the hopes that she’ll stick around and make him happy for a really long time, I’ll give her a codename now; Hally.) I was just wearing PJ pants and a hoodie but she apparently thought I was pretty! It honestly made me squeal with joy to get a sincere complement from a total stranger; no one ever calls me pretty, and if they EVER do, it’s because they have to. I just make myself imagine how great it’ll feel once more people tell me that!

Mary: I really need to start starving myself… Rose is on a hard-core diet. I’m surprised you didn’t know; I thought you guys were really close.”

Xang: “She probably just didn’t tell me because she doesn’t want to trigger me.”

~paraphrasing a conversation between Xang and Mary.

OK, so long story short, Mary is a girl in my gym class who asked me about my Carnation drink a few days ago. I told her about it and ended revealing my diet to her. She didn’t really comment at the time, she was just sort of nice and polite, but later on she had a class with Xang. Xang has had issues in Miller’s class, first when Trish said she “tried being anorexic once but failed”, and today Mary says that “I really need to starve myself”. This got Xang pissed, which made Mary innocently bring up my crash diet. This is a trigger on multiple levels; first, I now feel accountible to Mary to show I lost the weight and stuck with it. My goal is to make Mary comment on my size! Secondly, she called my diet “hardcore”; I’ve never been called hardocre in my LIFE, so this is pretty cool. And I know she’s not ana, but I am determined to stick to a diet that a normal perosn would find “hardcore”. I know I can do it! Thirdly, Xang now knows about my diet. I don’t want to trigger her, obviously, but in a sick way, I DO want her to worry. Or at least notice that I lost the weight.



{February 21, 2010}   quote of the day

“Jack: Rose, you’re no picnic, all right? You’re a spoiled little brat, even, but under that, you’re the most amazingly, astounding, wonderful girl, woman that I’ve ever known…

Rose: Jack, I…

Jack: No, let me try and get this out. You’re ama- I’m not an idiot, I know how the world works. I’ve got ten bucks in my pocket, I have no-nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I’m too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can’t turn away without knowing you’ll be all right… That’s all I want.

Rose: Well, I’m fine… I’ll be fine… really.

Jack: Really? I don’t think so. They’ve got you trapped, Rose. And you’re gonna die if you don’t break free. Maybe not right away because you’re strong but… sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose… that fire’s gonna burn out…

Rose: It’s not up to you to save me, Jack.

Jack: You’re right… only you can do that.”

I wonder if anyone will ever love me this much. I don’t care that it’s a movie. I don’t care that women today are supposed to be realistic and jaded and detatched and expect “this sort of thing” from guys, the stupid, cheating, slacking, jerkwad type-of-behavior. I want LOVE, dammit.

And yeah, I know, you first need to love yourself before others can love you, and you have to find yourself worthy of love, but guess what? Fuck it. I wanna be in love, the type of love where you can tell him how you feel without embarrassment and take turns seducing each-other and just BEING with eachother is enough. The type of love where you never run out of things to say.

(The type of love that doesn’t exist…?)

Although maybe if you use conjures it can. I’ve read that red can keep men hopelessly devoted to you as long as you continue it.

  • one woman’s friend used it & even though she dumped the guy, he was and still is “completely obsessed with her.”
  • someone’s grandmother used it to make her husband never cheat & he became overprotective of her. they’ve been married for 50 years! the woman’s sister also used it on her BF of 9 years and he’s so crazy for her he seems to smother her.
  • a girl used it on her ex when they were still together (in food, protein shakes, coffee) and he loved her a lot. The effect was so binding & strong that when she broke up with him, he became hysterical & begged her to stay. He came to her house many times & refused to break up; the feelings he has for her are very strong. That is how strong this spell is.
  • one woman was involved with a married man & she cast a few spells on him & got him to take red; he then became obsessed with her & wanted to be around her all the time even though he had 4 kids & a wife at home. the target was even so affected by her pheremones that he could sense when she started monthlies & knew them like clockwork, enjoying her scent. the pheremones lingered in his psyche but she starred to feel bored with the relationship. he got so overprotective that every text or call she got was assumed to be from “another man”. it got to the point that everything she thought  in her mind he would say vocally. the more he connected with her, the more she chose to pull away, so because of her decision to split he ended up moving away, leaving his wife & kids and even still sending her emails saying he loves her & that “when he sees the beauty in the sunset, he thinks of her”. it was her decision to dump him and move on.
  • if the person is attracted to you from the start, the effects are immediately much stronger. (possibly begin the attraction via skull candle & Bewitching, Follow Me Boy, etc. oils? mixing catnip in with attraction bath salts is also good.)
  • once is enough, but it would probably work stronger & stronger each time.
  • Another example of excellent spell-work is when a woman used The Spider Queen candle numerous times which is just like Intranquil Spirit; she used Intranquil Spirit too, plus a binding spell & red figural candles that she started at different points of the table and then pushed them together. It just got to be too much at one time and the guy got really obsessive then she dumped him. But because she forgot to get rid of the remains (most love spells they tell you to keep the remains close to your home), he used to call, come over unannounced, and even tried to commit suicide because she didn’t call him back. She didn’t know why he was acting like that, but when she realized she got rid of it immediately!

Apparently I should also check out pg 152 of Hoodoo Herb and Root Magic to read “A Woman’s Thirteen-Year Rite of Capture”.



{February 19, 2010}   random things that made my day

Xang: “No offense, Rose – it’s not your weight that hurts, it’s your bones are digging in.”

me: Aww, that’s the nicest thing – “

Xang: It’s not a complement!”

The above is a quote from the pep rally. I was sitting on Xang’s lap because Shiney wouldn’t move over sideways & I insisted. This really makes me rememeber how I used to scorn that one number on the “reasons to be thin” list about how “do you want people to say wow, you’re so thin, or oof, get off me, fatass!” The best thing is, Shiney was sitting right next to us. I bet she heard. 😛

When I came over to them at the pep rally, Xang was cuddling with Gas Mask & Shiney was sitting next to her. I asked Shiney to move and she slid the other way so I wouldn’t be close enough to Xang. When I asked her to move the other way, she said there wasn’t enough room. Xang joked I should sit on her lap, so I did. (See quote above.) I effectively cut Shiney off from Xang, although walking back to the classrooms she was really clingy & hugged Xang too much. Xang even noticed, asking why everyone was being so possessive of her.

I cannot wait to make a fat, loser poppet of Shiney.

~

~

Another thing that happened today that really made me smile was when some random cute, jock guy walked past me in Enviro Sci singing a Tracey Chapman song. I asked him about it and he said that he LOVED Tracey Chapman! I told him it was my first concert ever, and he said his buddy went to Chicago to see her perform. Then Miller chimed in and asked me about if I liked Liz Phair, which is weird because just last night I had been thinking about her songs! (some of them serve as triggers to me.) Huh. Serendipity. 🙂



{February 16, 2010}   quote of the day

“I love it when you can go about your daily business with the knowledge that you have a little secret of your own on underneath.” ~Dita Von Teese commenting on tightlacing

“It`s not about seducing men, it”s about embracing womanhood.” ~Dita Von Teese

“I advocate glamour. Every day. Every minute.” ~Dita Von Teese

“I don`t feel that we need to have children to validate our marriage and I don`t need children to claim I`m a fulfilled woman.” ~Dita Von Teese, being totally awesome.

“Some people say what I do isn`t very liberating. I say it`s pretty liberating to get $20,000 for 10 minutes work.” ~Dita Von Teese

“When sexuality, style, humor and playfulness all come together, along with a bit of innocence, well, that’s when a burlesque show becomes great.” ~Dita Von Teese

‘I just think that when you take a minute to look your best, you get what you want. And I pretty much get what I want.’

“I’ve had a lot of arguments with myself over this, but I think that if I were Nicole Kidman, and I were in a movie, and they were negotiating over my body parts—what my tits are worth, what my ass is worth, how much extra money that’s going to get me—how is that any different?” ~Dita Von Teese

“I`ve been called anti-feminist before and it makes me really mad. I don`t do my job for men, I do it because I love the make-up, the costumes and the history of showgirls.” ~Dita Von Teese

NOTE: As a reward, check out the book “Bombshell Handbook” by the author of the Bohemian Manifesto.



{February 15, 2010}   quotes of the day

This morning when I walked up to the table where Twin Sporty & Sammy were talking, I immediately overheard them trash-talking some teacher for being fat. (In their defense, the guy is really, really fat, and apparently not so nice to them.) But it was funny because it thinspired me to not eat anymore (I don’t want someone saying that stuff about me!). That and the fact I had been listening to the Weird Al song “Fat” as I was walking in. 😉 It was like a sign from the Universe or something!

I told Rach that I’m still on Day 3 of the water fast, and she rolled her eyes snd said something disapproving I didn’t hear. (It would be SO funny if Shiney ended up hearing it from her!)

When I told Miller about it, she said “It’s nice that you’re doing that, people do that stuff all the time… getting rid of toxins.” I respect her so  much and I know that she knows a lot about the human body and environmental toxins, health effects, etc. It gives me more confidence that she supports me and makes me determined not to let her down. No food until Day 10!!! I also told her I’m going vegan after this. It’s weird how anybody else’s parents would flip but mine don’t seem to care too much , and how the teacher I told is so supportive. Again, it must be a sign!



{February 14, 2010}   quote of the day

So there I am, and I’m being confronted by all that food. I look it in the eye and I say… “Or I could just… not.” Easy. Done.

Thin.



{February 13, 2010}   quote of the day

“I still battle with my deeply boring diet of, essentially, yogurt and breakfast cereal and granola bars. I hate dieting. I hate having to do it to be the ‘right’ size. I’m hungry all the time. I think I’m a slender person, but the industry apparently doesn’t. All actresses are hungry all the time, I think.”

~Julianne Moore

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Elaborated upon under the cut.

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