A Rose with Starry Eyes











Truly Random Stuff Goes First

  • My blog now has 22 followers and I have devoted myself to answering each of their questions. They’re all really cool! 🙂
  • I’m starting the Shangri-La diet.
  • My bro’s GF Hally finally kissed him. 🙂
  • I dropped off dad’s shirt & the conjure money at the Bee and I’ll get an update in a week. Mom even came in with me and talked to the woman, and she later commented on how empathetic and sensitive she was.

Plans for Future Wealthy BF

What I need him to get me for college:

  • conjure to get into first choice college ( UWMadison or Berkley)
  • credit card in my name that he pays for (covers food, corsets, collapsible bike, dinair makeup, etsy stuff, clothes, gas, etc.)
  • my tuition (esimated $20,00 according to here: http://www.admissions.wisc.edu/costs.php)
  • pays for housing (dorms? sorority house? rent someplace?)
  • a “smart car; the new 2010 Toyota IQ (priced $13,000 to $17,500)
  • mac laptop ($1000)
  • trip to Brazil to get nose job, chemical peel, smartlipo

According to the conjure lady, I have to choose the top 7 qualities for the guy I want. Originally I wanted someone to sweep me off my feet, all charismatic and gorgeous, but now I realize a less social guy would be easier to bag…. Here are my top ideas:

  1. LOVES to spoil me
  2. good conversationalist
  3. wealthy & generous
  4. falls head-over-heels in love with me
  5. would do anything to make me happy
  6. travels a lot and LOVES to take me with!
  7. he makes the first move (pursues me, asks me out, thinks it’s cute I’m shy/inexperienced.)

Stuff from Today

  • Cool new rewards idea: I can get a self-published book of my ana writing! Like fave thinspos, lists, entries, etc.  That way I’m not reliant on technology and it looks legitimate. All my creative writings put together, all my triggers, like a legitimate ana Bible. A portable trigger.
  • Shiney did her makeup that asinine way again, sort of an Egyptian liquid eyeliner look. I can’t wait to be thinner than her and show her what fashionable REALLY looks like….
  • I think my goal is to reach 120 by the end of the school year. I won’t consider weight to be lost until I need new clothes.

I got the job at Culver’s!!!

  • The guy who hired me said that they had literally 1,000 people applying, and were getting 35 online applications per day. NO idea WHY he hired me of all people, but he did! 😀 I guess it pays minimum wage, but I can save up and buy conjures and corsets and etc; my first conjure obviously will be the one for a wealthy BF, since he’ll be the gift that keeps on giving! XD
  • I have my first day this Thursday; it’s an orientation. I think I get paid for that too…

Things I Need to Buy at Sentry’s

They’re having a huge sale at Sentry’s by my house and I need to stock up before the good stuff is gone. The best thing they’re selling is the boxes of flavored low-cal drink packets which are usually WAY expensive but the new off-brands sell for a dollar for 12!!!! 🙂

  • off-brand low-cal drink packets (cherry and lemonade)
  • boxes of gauze (for S.I., a la Alice)
  • bottle of Hydrogen Peroxide (anti-septic to clean cuts,under $1)

I also need to shoplift some stuff, since I have less than $20 left. I should get:

  • Hello Kitty band-aids (very Shiney! so additional trigger there.)
  • vitamins/spices
  • lighter/matches
  • fiber products
  • cheap, tiny notepad

Another Big Trigger: S.I.

Alright, the Alice cut in the movie REALLY triggered me. To make me remember that I am becoming like her, I am planning to walk to the local college library and do an almost ceremonial 3 cuts to my left arm in that one abandoned bathroom; I’ll use the Shiney-esque exactoblade, then the hot-stinging Hydrogen Peroxide and finally wrap the gauzy banadges the way Alice did in the movie.

Additional S.I./trigger ideas;

  • burning tongue with hot water to cut down on food consumption
  • something with fire, like a cigarette burn


{March 8, 2010}   cross-stitching

Really cool cross-stitching patterns on Etsy

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{March 8, 2010}   jewlery wishes

Really Awesome Necklaces from Etsy including: Gore Whore, Gold Star, and Mermaid’s Heart.

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{March 8, 2010}   victorian wish list

link: http://www.victoriasjewelrybox.com/oval-locket-necklace-n111.html

hat pins link: http://www.victoriasjewelrybox.com/crystal-pearl-hatpin-hp102.html

link to tape measure: http://www.victoriasjewelrybox.com/silver-tape-measure-sw104.html

Silver Tape Measure

Silver Tape Measure

link: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41905870&ref=sr_gallery_15&&ga_search_query=alice+in+wonderland&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_page=&includes[]=tags&includes[]=title

Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland

Alice's Adventure in Wonderland


{February 23, 2010}   ugw REWARD

OK, so someone on Blogspot said something about restricting and eating only “birdie-small amounts”. Somehow, this term conjures up images of Audrey Hepburn, Jackie Kennedy, etc; all sorts of tiny, classy women. (NOT like some of today’s modern thinspo, who you feel do cocaine and rely on binge-purging to get there. They have neither the class nor the willpower of the true ladies!) I also really love the mental image of a bird picking at some food, in the winter snow of amongst the autumn leaves. It’s heavenly… And so natural-seeming. Quite organic and hippie.

ANYWAYS, it sparked an idea for me: why not make my Ultimate Goal Weight reward a tiny birdie tattoo? I immediately thought of an Across the Universe icon I’d seen online, which I associate with that beautiful song sung by Evan Rachel Wood (another thinspo!), “Blackbird”. It’s perfect because it’s the Beatles, it was MY idea, it’s not directly related to pro-ana, birds represent freedom, it’s not a cliched bird shape like the one Johnny Depp has, and I can always bring up the Beatles when anyone asks of it’s significance. (If I need an additional reward, I can always tattoo some of the song lyrics, such as “all your life” in cursive close to it.) I’d LOVE to get it near my wrist, but as an actress, it should perhaps be in a less-intrusive spot, in case I’m running late for an audition and can’t cover it up. (Of course, having it near my hand would remind me not to “reach for food” because it would be right there, always.) Plus it would be easily covered up with a bracelet or something… It should be in a place I can see it, at least!

Here are some image ideas for the tattoo. I need to choose exactly the right one and hopefully find a bigger pic of it online, so the tattoo artist doesn’t get it messed up. (Should it be mid-flight, or resting, perched? Should it be in a regular position, or is a more difficult, perspective-based one okay, too? So many questions!) A girl in my class mentioned to me that she got an awesome $2 necklace from a tattoo place called Starship in Milwaukee. (And apparently there’s one in West Bend, too; the tattoo artist Amanda looks cool. Actually, I think I’ve walked past that place before! Grandma always said it was a “weird store”. How cool would it be to get bored and get my tattoo there while visiting or something?) Maybe it’s a sign I should go there…?

Pics:

Random thought: maybe I could get a tattoo blessing from the Bee or something…? So it would bring me luck! 🙂

Blackbird mythology:

  • According to Celtic mythology, the blackbird was thought to be one of the three oldest animals (along with the trout and the stag). They represent air, water, & earth.
  • Blackbirds are considered many things in many cultures, including a bad omen (in dreams, supposedly) and a harbringer of good fortune (if it nests near a house). Also:
    • Blackbirds have been considered messengers of change, speakers of the dead, & omens of death.
    • Blackbirds also symbolize life’s mysticism, the primal vitality, & the need for renewal.
    • Blackbirds’ beautiful songs make it a symbol of temptations, especially sexual temptations.
    • 2 Blackbirds together are a symbol of peace and a good omen.
  • The Blackbird mimics the tit, goldfinch, black woodpecker, & greenfinch sounds, as well as some sounds associated with humans. It has one of the most musical voices of any bird.
  • The Welsh word for Blackbird is deryn do, which changed to “derring-do”, and is now the word “daring-do”, which today means bravery and heroism.
  • A Druid legend states that the birds of Rhinannan are 3 Blackbirds that sit and sing in the World Tree. Their singing puts the listener to sleep or induces a trance so that they can travel to the Otherworld.


{February 19, 2010}   thinspo thoughts
  • Not eating for several days, just flying by on water, diet Snapple, & cranberry juice with lemon, then finally fitting into your skinniest clothes and going to a concert. Out all night, first going for coffee at a Starbucks, then to the actual concert (dancing in your perfect outfit, even getting onstage at one point to dance, etc.), then downing a nos with an adderall to stay up all night. You propose that your group of friends stop at IHOP for pancakes,where you order an orange juice and eat a third of your crepes, ordering a mountain of strawberry-covered, chocolate-chip waffles “to take home for sis”  (actually to chew and spit later). Everyone else gorges, and as you drive around dropping them off, soon it’s just you and your BFF, stopping for Starbucks on your own and sitting, drinking coffee shake til 3AM.
  • —-


{February 18, 2010}   personal rewards list

basic now:

  • donation to fund to get “I Felt Hunger” bracelet in ana red!
  • The Bombshell Manual of Style
  • use photobooth at Mayfair Mall
  • tazo teabags (ration, use as a reward)
  • diet books: CRON, Skinny Bitch, etc.
  • ceramic coffee-cup (looks like real but is reusable; thinkgeek.com)
  • awesome patterned socks
  • body wrap ingredients (do at home DIY-style)
  • pretty nailpolish (shiney blue)
  • benefiber tablets (fruit-flavored!)
  • chop-sticks for hair (an inside joke! 😉

once I have money:

  • a new corset from Romantasy
  • Dinair airbrush makeup system
  • triggering DVD collection:
    • Girl, Interrupted
    • Skinny (HBO)
    • Food Inc.
    • The Human Footprint
    • Seeing Through the Fence
    • Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution
    • seasons of Skins
    • seasons of Supersize vs. Superskinny
    • seasons of Freaky Eaters
    • seasons of You Are What You Eat
  • digital camera
  • mac laptop
  • vitamin B-12 injections
  • a sock monkey doll
  • record player; bunch of old records
  • tshirt/pins/bumper stickers with cool messages: Pro-LGBT, Coexist, War on the Enviornment is Going Well, etc. (brand: Northern Sun)
  • eyeliner
  • learning to knit; leads to rewards such as new needles, cool yarn, trips to the Yarn House, plus the actual stuff you make!
  • hoodoo lessons with Cat (correspondence)
  • scarves (knit scarf & silk scarf as accessory)
  • some type of art supplies
  • art lessons
  • learn to ride a bike ; reward is to buy a folding bike with no chain, entering in charity rides to fundraise (free t-shirt!), & being able to burn calories while traveling eco-friendly. You can travel farther than if you were walking, and you still get independence in scheduling! 🙂
  • a really fantastic digital scale
  • shopping spree at Half-Price books
  • personalized stationary set, calligraphy pens, etc.
  • where to buy clothes, which styles:
    • H&M
    • Victoria’s Secret
    • Sephora’s (cosmetics)
    • Lush
    • Hot Topic (lingerie, notebooks)
    • rockabilly style (online)
    • Charlotte Russe
    • Victor-Victoria’s
    • Free-people (online)
    • Art Gecko
  • go to a rock concert
  • Alterra’s “Iron Goddess of Mercy” tea (an inside joke!)
  • an electric kettle to make tea
  • eyelash extensions
  • rainbow sharpies!
  • specific articles of clothing:
    • tartan pleated skirt (schoolgirl)
    • funny-shaped sunglasses (hearts like Lolita, kids-styles)
    • gorgeous lacy fan
    • long, sexy stockings & garters
    • white, wispy cloth top/dress
    • blue button-up shirt with black jeans
    • shiny gold converse like Rach’s (coupled with black outfit & gold star & moon necklace)
    • corduroy pants
    • silk knee-length robe
    • old-fashioned night gown
    • a classic, well-fitted trench coat
  • sign up for ballet lessons
  • ballet class rewards:
    • leg-warmers
    • merchandise
    • new leotard
  • giant puffy headphones that envelope you in sound
  • get a membership at that place with the jade-massage beds 😉
  • use henna ink to draw thinspo mottos and patterns, designs; write secret codes on self.
  • some type of music lessons (guitar, piano, violin again, etc.)
  • gorgeous high heels
  • start collecting first editions!
  • specific books to buy:
    • Chainless Soul
    • Lolita
    • Wuthering Heights
    • The Great Gatsby
    • certain Francesca Lia Block books
    • old fairy tales
    • anything by Astrid Lingren
    • Anne of Green Gables
    • Kate Spade’s books of style
  • see a theater performance
  • Naked juice (as a reward)
  • horse-back riding lessons
  • jewelery
    • milagro necklace
    • collect antique cameos
  • antiques
    • jewelry box
    • bureau
    • teacups
    • good silver (to keep as an heirloom)
    • trunk
    • folding screen to change behind
    • etc.
  • possibly a tattoo (after reaching a HUGE goal or accomplishment., like graduating or reaching ugw.)
  • saints candles from Lucky Mojo
  • workout rewards:
    • pedometer (counts your steps)
    • portable measuring tape
    • ankle weights
    • fiber supplements
    • high-tech digital scale
    • certain vitamins (ie- ALA, MSM, etc)
  • voice lessons (with Trevor, who teaches Rach)
  • a leather bag, like a attache case of a duffel-like feel
  • paper lantern lights
  • sparkling juice a la champagne
  • an exacto-knife (for self-punishments, etc.)
  • choker necklaces
  • graphic novels
  • keihl’s hair product: volumizer
  • godiva chocolates (ration & use as a reward.)
  • monologue books for acting
  • magazine subscriptions
    • Bitch
    • Rolling Stone
    • etc.
  • collect pins, iron-on patches
  • buy very cool, old-fashioned journals
  • outings:

    • spend all day in Elm Grove; get a coffee, check out Foxbrook park, bread place, Yarn House
    • take sister to Betty Brinn museum, eat at the Safehouse, maybe take her to see ballet or theatre
    • Xang and I at the mall all day long, paying for her food and whatnot, then go to a concert and flirt with boys. always outdo her. 😉
  • goldfish cracker necklace … another inside joke! every-time you look at it, you’ll be reminded of how much better than that wannarexic bitch you are. (http://www.kaboodle.com/reviews/goldfish-cracker-necklace)



{February 14, 2010}   random ideas for future thinness.

Big, long story under the cut: sensa and body wraps

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{February 13, 2010}   Protected: ana bracelet idea :)

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