A Rose with Starry Eyes











{March 12, 2010}   my thinspos list
  • Elyse from AMTM, lj blog
  • Mary Tyler Moore from Dick Van Dyke show
  • Claudia Schiffer, supermodel
  • Giselle Bundchen, supermodel
  • Lindsay Lohan, got thin on adderall
  • Megan Fox, starved into double digits for the movie Jennifer’s Body
  • Zoe Saldana, ultra-slim ballerina in
  • Audrey Hepburn, dancer and actress, humanitarian
  • Emily Bronte, anorexic writer who wrote best while fasting
  • Mary Kate Olsen, tiny fashionista
  • Mia Wasikowska, from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland
  • Kate Moss, supermodel waif who dated Johnny Depp
  • Crystal Renn, who went from my worst height and weight to 5′ 10″, 100 pounds as a size zero model.
  • Kiera Knightley, actress I envy, my original thinspo queen
  • Pattie Boyd, ’60s model, wife to a Beatle, wrote amazing memoir
  • Hannah Spearitt, blonde pixie actress on Primeval
  • Jennifer Connelly, badass actress with frail frame
  • Julianne Moore, a talented actress who admits “all actresses are constantly hungry”
  • Drew Barrymoore, actress who got a breast reduction too!
  • Brigitte Bardot, beachy French beauty with a teeny waist
  • Lady Gaga, pop star extraordinaire; says her secret is “starvation”
  • Cate Blanchett, ethereal actress
  • Mia Farrow, bird-boned muse who played Daisy in Gatsby
  • Lily Cole, redheaded model who was in Dr. Parnassus movie
  • Fiona Apple, hauntingly beautiful singer who had anorexia
  • Dakota Fanning, an actress who rocks the very Lolita-esque body you wish you had while snatching up prime roles.
  • Eva Green, French actress
  • Posh Spice, who has insane willpower
  • Evan Rachel Wood, actress from Across the Universe & Running with Scissors, dating Marilyn Manson
  • Edie Sedgwick, petite self-destructive socialite; “girl on fire”


{February 25, 2010}   thinspo: Chrystal Renn

Model Chrystal Renn’s previous crash diet article under the cut.

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{February 18, 2010}   random life updates

On the Subject of Corsetry

OK, so I talked to Rach today and she said she knows a girl (maddie) who knows someone who is AMAZING at making corsets (sara), including for the purpose of tight-lacing. (The corset-making girl’s mom makes them professionally and taught her how.) It only costs $100 to cover the supplies! Of course, now the girl Sara is in college in Minneapolis-St Paul and may not have the time to make one, but I friended Maddie to discuss where she got it just in case. Apparently both of those girls have used it themselves but I believe the corset-making girl in question overdid it and her organs got in trouble.

Rach, of course, told me how concerned she is about this stuff, even though I honestly tried to reassure her. I said that if I ordered from Romantasy I would have a trainer & manual to make sure everything went alright, plus I’d take it slow and reduce only 6 inches off my waist when starting from 31. She got all iffy about it and Rach said that her own waist was 29″ and her mom’s waist (who is my height) is about 28″. I told her that her mom could probably still take off 3 inches and be healthy, but Rach remained skeptical. She said it wouldn’t look right on my body type. I insisted that of course I would lose weight as I went, and my body type would adjust and I’d see what looks natural. I brought up Dita Von Teese’s uncorseted 22-inch waist and corseted 16-inch waist, but Rach asked how tall she was. I lied and said “about my height?”, but I’ve looked it up and she’s 5’6″. (Still not too much of a stretch!) I reassured Rach that I didn’t want to get extreme but she said “that’s what they ALL say”.

Note: DAMN Rach’s mom! 5′ 9″, 28 inch waist, and does 16 miles a night on the stationary bike?! Now SHE is a thinspiration!

On the Subject of Mom

VERY cool mom news. She told me while driving back from Forensics that she’s going to enter a film contest that’s due in 39 days. She says she’s going out to film Grandpa’s motorcycle race in a few days and make it about how people let their desires go and even though motorcycling was his passion for so may years, he only just got back into this year. It’s about why he put it off, and why he’s going back. It’s supposed to be uplifting. I didn’t mention it to her, but I think mom is going back to something she loved, too! She talked about her ideas and how she didn’t want to bite off more than could chew, to take it slow and get it done. She said things about “serendipity” and used all these other words that basically mean the Universe lines up.

I have to admit, I’ve sort of seen this coming since maybe a month of so ago when she brough out that old film projector she used to have in college and played some film reels for everybody in the family. My biggest hope is that she FINISHES it and doesn’t lose steam, doesn’t lose faith in herself. Doesn’t let dad get her down; hoping that he doesn’t sense her newfound freedom and try and squash it. (Although in my reading, Cat DID mention that by October, she’d have solid female friends to heal her and help her live her life again. Maybe this is the first step? *knocks wood*) Maybe the Universe IS lining up for her…

On the Subject of Forensics

I went today and didn’t get a chance to read, but my desire is renewed. There’s a weird rush I feel about public speaking – probably because it’s as close to performing as I can get at the moment. I’m almost done typing out the story, which is by Kate Chopin, although I still have to figure out how to do a German accent for the mother and whether or not my lead character has a soft, feminine New Orleans drawl.

I THINK my first meet is this weekend, if I’m not greatly mistaken…

On the Subject of Body

I am PMS-ing today, so I don’t want to measure or consider my binge an actual binge. (I’ll wait til the cravings, back-aches, and cramps go away. XD) Hopefully I’m okay.

On thing that mom also told me driving back from Forensics is that I look so skinny and am probably the same weight I was back in middle school only taller now. That got me thinking. In middle school I was what, size 6 jeans and 140 to 150 pounds? I AM almost back there! I got down to 147 the other day (during a fast), so I technically AM there! This is NO TIME for slouching. I need to buckle down on my homework and get my workout ass in gear. Callanetics every night- I will clear the table in the way before I go to bed!

A sign from the Universe: my favorite gossip blogger, Lainey, has started talking about Harley Pasternack and his 5 Factor Fitness program, and following it daily on her site. I think this means I need to get around to doing his workout – if Lainey is featuring it, it MUST be legit! (Plus it popped up practically the day after I broke my water fast.)

On the Subject of Body Envy

OK, I get it. Weird topic. But I’m on adderall, I’m bored, and I really feel the need to continue writing. Having almost run out of things to write about (other than my homework – god forbid!!!), I shall write about Rach’s mom, whose figure I envy even though she is decades older than me and is probably in her early 50s.

She’s about my height (5′ 9″ – ish) and apparently does 16 mile a day on a stationary bike, which I estimate burns about 600 calories. Also, when i stayed over at their house for a few days, I saw that she occasionally did workout tapes downstairs. OK, fair enough. Her family eats healthy, which is great, although apparently Rach’s mom is so stressed all the time that it’s the source of her thinness. (Um, luck! When I get stressed, I cry or binge or both. Maybe I should implement a new rule that I can only eat when I’m happy or something…? or only eat when I’ve just done something productive!) Her waist is 28″, and that’s a whole inch less than her daughter’s. The daughter whom she gave birth to. Ugh.

She obviously has a fast metabolism on her side, but she doesn’t smoke or take diet pills, and even metabolism slows as you age. What I find so inspiring about her is that she has an upper-management job that she puts a lot of hours into but still manages to exercise so much and stay healthy AND thin. She’s assertive and funny and awesome; and her body is still in a shape that I envy, even though I’m young enough to be her daughter.

Someday, I WILL have a body like that. And someday soon.



et cetera