A Rose with Starry Eyes











Shiney’s idiotic “psycho” note, originally scrawled on Hello Kitty Stationary:

(under the cut)

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{February 4, 2010}   this is INSANE. NOT FAIR.

There is SO MUCH to talk about. Good news/bad news time. Good news first:

  1. Mom and Drew have separately commented on my changed physique. I haven’t measured and I definitely need to work out more, but I seem slimmer now than I did when dressed in clothes I wore pre-op. (My stomach as well, not just my boobs.) My arms are slightly slimmer too, although I still haven’t started on the 5 Factor Workout plan!
  2. I joined forensics. It has gone really well and the experience has made me resolute to be at least a bit more social and also continue performing, to any extent I can. I got some really great feedback, especially stuff about my voice (sounding pleasant, etc).
  3. I LOVE my Drama as Lit class, and my teacher loves me. We read the first day of class and he asked if I’d done theatre outside school or auditioned for plays in school, and if I’d done forensics. Someone else said I should take initiative to find parts outside school! Jake invited me to do forensics, so that’s how I signed up. We annotated a play called TRIFLES, written from a feminist perspective. I wrote tons of annotations but am ultimately proud of my work; it was a really encouraging experience.
  4. I finally think I have my diet down-pat. I have it in 5 mini-meals which total less than 1000 calories when added up. I’m working on an elaborate diet binder which may or may not ever come to fruition.

~

Now for the shittiest of the bad news...

  1. I didn’t get the lead role in the play. Not only did I not get the lead role, I didn’t get ANY role!!! When I saw the listings and tried to talk to the director this morning, she was gone- I’d checked 3 times and she wasn’t there, even though her office was unlocked. The fourth time she was there but walked out while I stood, less than 6 feet away, saying “Um…”. She opened a door and as she was in the hallway, I called her name and she paused ever-so-slightly before shutting the door anyways. I tried to follow her down the halls but she was too far ahead and class was about to start. SHE DITCHED ME. She wouldn’t even answer my inquiry for constructive criticism, which is what I ask every year after getting inevitably rejected. Third year in a row and not a single part, not even playing the maid. The first years she told me that it was seniority and to keep auditioning and there’s a part out there for me somewhere. This year she tells me I “wasn’t animated enough” and “were you having an off-day?”; she then told me that she “didn’t see me mixing with everyone else”. It’s SUCH BULLSHIT. Not only should I have seniority this year but if I was so animated the last 2 years, why didn’t she cast me then?! The girl who ended up getting the lead- the Senator’s daughter– actually complimented me, saying she didn’t know I was such a great actress. So… the lead thinks I’m a great actress, and I don’t even get 2 lines, despite my loyalty. Brilliant. Anyways, then she’s all “I’m concerned for your feelings, I really am; maybe you can join crew.” My eyes were literally tearing up and my voice was so choked I could barely answer. I was humiliated. She is the most insincere bitch ever.  (I will analyze my audition in a later post.)
  2. Shiney is still in my damned life! She’s trying to command the attention of Xang, and apparently texting her about relationship issues. She was supposedly going to start forensics the same day as me but she never showed- I asked her about if she was involved and said I’d see her there, and maybe that might have scared her off….? I talked to her the other day, determined to butt into her conversation with Xang, and she still did that thing where she corrects your opinion. Annoying as hell. And I heard her behind me in the hall not 2 minutes afterwards chirping in that squeaky, teapot voice about how to best harm someone. (She always thinks it’s funny to talk about how to kick someone’s ass- probably a Napoleonic complex due to her midget-like stature. She used to brag about kicking people or kneeing them in the balls.)


et cetera