A Rose with Starry Eyes

OK, so I’ll admit it. I binged today. I ate a TON of chocolates and stuff; Probably almost a pound’s worth (calorie-wise). I don’t even know what got into me… I hadn’t taken my adderall because I’m arrogant and hadn’t felt hungry all day and then the cravings hit and I juts GAVE IN. This is the third day in a row I’ve been weak, and it’s the worst it’s been so far. The worst it’s been in months. I’m considering a water fast because, if I take my adderall with it,it might be easier to handle. PLUS, it’ll give me a jump-star to my diet, make me lose a lost really quickly, give me more motivation to stay healthy, and re-set my diet so that I no longer crave junk foods and bingeing. My stomach also won’t be as stretched out as it was after the binge! 🙂

Ten days are required to lose weight til your ribs show, your face gets gaunt, people seriously notice. But the good news is that after the first day, or first 3 days tops, hunger subsides and you can go for week with no food easily. So adderall constantly for the first 3 days and nothing after that.

My biggest concerns with the water fast are:

  1. No energy/motivation for my 2 upcoming auditions.
  2. I might break the fast and binge.
  3. What will I eat the days that I’m coming out of the fast? I’m supposed to eat ONLY fruits and veg coming out of it, and we rarely if ever have those things around. After that I can PROBABLY go back on my diet plan, but for at LEAST a week I need just fruits and veg.

My biggest motivators are:

  1. The news that Shiney is still into disordered eating; I can outdo her visibly, and what better to steal the spotlight from a wannarexic than literally
  2. To prove to myself that there ARE in fact, consequences for bingeing, and that it will not be tolerated. I am serious about the weight loss this time. It is the 11th hour, make-it-or-break-it, moment of glory or the age of failure. My choice.
  3. To see how far I can go weight loss-wise, and document it along the way as a motivator to get there permanently AND to keep myself in shape.

I’m going to The Bee tomorrow at 4:15 (with Zen, Janis, and Janis’ guy pal) and I have a few options. The first thing to ask is to ask about the death spell for my dad and explain Cat’s reading. Then I can either buy a poppet to make Shiney fat OR I can ask for one to make myself thinner. (Tell them that my doctor said I should lose about 30 pounds.)

I’ve also decided that I’m going vegan after my fast is over. And I’m going to tell as many people as I can, ASAP, so that they hold me to it. Nothing like social pressure to keep someone in line on their diet! (Plus it’ll be nice to bond with Froshgoth over something and I can get her advice on the issue, and this way Shiney will hear that I’m more dedicatd than her!)

To begin with after my fast: Bananas, apples, maybe some frozen broccoli to steam, dried banana chips, vegetable soup (ask Aunt Terry for the recipe from last time), baby carrots, raisins, spinach and strawberries (ask Grandma Alice forr vinegarette recipe), etc … then i can ease into it with almonds, tuna with lemon-pepper seasoning, fruit sorbet, and MAYBE clif bars and carnation, eventually. (maybe I should stop having carnation with milk and just have water? or soymilk or something.) If I REALLY need carbs, I can have tofu shiritake noodles with walden farms marinara sauce or air-popped popcorn with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray. Or a handful of frozen strawberries blended with a cup of soymilk or rice milk. Almonds and wheat gluten for protein. Low-calorie english muffins from Sam’d Club, 80 cal each.

really good NEW outside source: http://naturalhygienesociety.org/articles/fasting1.html

also go here for fresh fruit and veg cheap:

Check out the awesome online resource, http://www.pickyourown.org to search for, and locate, a farm near you where you can pick your own fruits and vegetables. Often this opportunity is cheaper than buying fruit in the store, even with gas as a factor. I recently purchased six pounds of blueberries for around $12, about a fourth of what I would have paid in a store. You can use the information on the website about what is in season locally to help know what to look for in the grocery store as well. The site also provides directions for washing, storing, and freezing several types of fruit and vegetables so that you can buy in bulk and stretch your money further. Many of the farms are even certified organic produce. Picking your own is a great way to show kids where produce comes from and get them interested in those healthy fruits and vegetables. If the farm is a ways away, carpool with neighbors, friends, or family and split the cost of gas.


et cetera